Best Shape of my Life

Best Shape of my Life

I started my weight loss and fitness journey two years ago. I wrote about how that transpired in Benefits of Exercise in D/s as well as How I strengthened my Sex Drive. The journey to get in shape and to lose the 60 pounds I had gained started as a health scare but it quickly transformed my entire life.

When the lockdown was announced and the gym and everything else closed I wondered what that would mean for my physical and mental health. I have not been diagnosed with a mental health condition, but as I have written before, I was pushed through an overwhelmed system. Too high functioning to get the help I needed and therefore, I learned to deal with it on my own. 

Not having a gym was easy. I continued to care for my physical fitness at home. Opting for long uphill climbs instead of laps on the treadmill. I used the natural sun to maintain a tan instead of relying on the tanning beds. I grow most of my food, so keeping it healthy was effortless, but when it came to my mental health I knew I was in trouble.

My dynamic with Mister K does a great job of keeping me in a “proper” headspace. The routine and structure that it provides keeps me in a state of expectancy and allows me to feel like I am in control. I have agreed to the conditions in our relationship and can ask for them to be changed. That gives me a sense of peace, even when the world seems to be on fire. Our dynamic became stronger during this time, mostly because I relied on it more. 

But there were certain things that I could not control and that left me feeling lost, isolated, and a little bit betrayed. I’m not sure where the feeling of betrayal came from, but it’s the word that comes to mind when I think about it.

For the first few weeks, I was glued to the t.v., watching the news, the updates, the rising numbers. I had just started my blog a few weeks before lockdown, so I was given an outlet for my words. BDSM gave me a channel for my feelings, but there was nothing that I could use as a release for my fear. Fear that the world was ending, and there was nothing to be done.

The amount of uncertainty and derision that has been created by this pandemic is staggering. Even in the stores that have recently opened people are wary of each other and have become further anti-social, no longer even saying hi, or excuse me. We have taken social distancing much farther than we ever should have. It has become a game of what-ifs and who-dun-its.

Yes, the world was offered great ways to keep in touch with zoom and skype. We’ve utilized technology in very ingenious ways. But the actual feeling of being social has been wiped from our current lives. 

Since March 12, I have not had coffee with a friend one time. I have not met with people that I usually converse with or meet for classes or discussions. I have not helped a stranger or offered to cut my neighbours’ lawn. I have closed myself off from the world, and there I had found fear.

I like my solitude but have found in the last 3 months that I have had too much. I miss live music and art shows. I miss community celebrations and farmers’ markets. I miss things that I never would have considered doing. Those things were removed from the “available” pile and lack of control was replaced with uncertainty.

My energy levels have been very high. Not having the ability to go to the pool with the kids, or to meet a friend for lunch has made it so I have had to fill my time with other things. Mister K is a strong believer that everything is mind over matter and if that doesn’t work, drink more water. I don’t always agree but his views keep me active and there is something to be said for that. While he did allow me a couple of days to sit and watch Disney plus, crying and sobbing as the world fell apart, it was short-lived. Back to normal was the name of his game. That man is more of a blessing than I ever would have first guessed.

Having him keep me in line was hugely beneficial to me. He made sure I maintained my fitness routine and kept the kids educated. He ensured I ate and drank enough water and that I got enough sleep. Without him, I would have been fine, but with him, I have become better.

The lack of the gym seemed like a hurdle in the beginning, but I learned since March that the gym was actually a hindrance. Yes, I had access to any machine I wanted and a massage table, but, I became reliant on them. I didn’t do the work required anymore, instead, allowing myself to depend on the machine’s readouts.

Working out at home has enforced that I am present in my fitness routine, to be accountable, and to find new ways to become better, stronger, fitter. In that, I have succeeded.

Since March I have lost another 6 pounds, which is small in the whole amount, but something I thought wouldn’t be possible as I was at a stagnant weight for many months before that. I have started to see definition in my abs, something my doctor told me I would never have without surgery. I repaired the separation in my lower abdominals known as diastasis recti. And while I will probably always carry a bit of loose skin around my torso, that too has decreased. Thankfully for lockdown, I am in the best shape of my life.

In my community, our numbers of COVID have risen dramatically in the past 2 weeks. Many refuse to wear masks or don’t see the benefits, I’m not sure whether to agree or not. They don’t seem to work, but having some semblance of control makes you want to believe, and then there is the off chance that they do work, and do you want to be the one who infects a million others? Aside from that, I have fared very well. My mental health has been in tip-top shape, and the only explanation I have is because I took care of my body, and my mind followed.

To some, this topic may seem superficial, and I guess in the grand scheme of things, it is. But the way we view ourselves tells us our place in our lives and when I feel on top of the world, nothing can bring me down. Looking good feels good and I think that coming out of something as life-altering as the pandemic better than I went in deserves a little bit of bragging rights.

To see who else contributed to #PersonalGrowthMatters for #LifeMatters, click on the badge.

For more about MrsK, take a peek at About MrsK, or look through Submissive Journal.

Looking for info on MrsK’s D/s dynamic? See Let’s Talk About.

Recent Posts