Blindfolds and other Bluffs

In my opinion, blindfolds or eye masks are the perfect addition to anyones sex life. Even vanilla couples use them. Maybe not as often as their kinky counterparts but often enough for blindfolds to not be considered taboo. In a way, they are like kinky training wheels, something to make us feel like we’re doing something erotic before we get on the big kid ride.

Some use blindfolds to decrease a partners’ visual awareness, heightening the other senses. Scientists are unsure why this phenomenon occurs as it has limited research, but it works wonders. Others use blindfolds to keep themselves out of the subjective eye of their partner(s), boosting their courage and confidence. No matter the reason, almost all will agree that they add something unique to any sexual experience.

A Critical Eye

At the beginning of mine and Mister K’s dive into D/s, I admit I could be quite critical. I had after all been studying kink for years before I disclosed my desire to him. I was almost an expert. Okay, maybe not, but at every turn, I would be offering advice or telling him that what he was doing could be improved. To say that he didn’t like this is a gross understatement. After our first couple of scenes, a blindfold was implemented.

As we’ve become more experienced and I more trusting of Mister K and his ministrations, the purpose of the blindfold has changed. We still use one quite regularly, but Mister K is no longer worried that I may top from the bottom. Now he’s concerned I’ll witness his arousal as he basks in all of his dominant glory. A blindfold ensures I focus on what he wants me to, leaving him to take me on a wild ride. He’s confessed to me that having me blindfolded gives him a rush, but the lack of vision does something wonderful for me as well.

Can’t see me – Can’t see you

As a submissive, a blindfold has many benefits. I seem to have a sense that if I can’t see, I also can’t be seen. Silly, I know, but perception is what the blindfold is all about. It’s a way for us to jump the hurdles that come with self-criticism and doubt. Bottoms as well as Tops. Not only does the blindfold take away my vision, but it also decreases my self-awareness and aides in my desire to “let go”. The freedom that is created with just a thin piece of fabric gives my submission a sometimes-needed boost, and other times, well, it’s just fun. Also, I feel sexy when I am sightless, although I’m unsure why or exactly when this change takes place.

Mister K has also mentioned that the blindfold makes him feel empowered. Not in the same way I am, but more so in an ‘I hold the power” way. With his partner blindfolded, he’s no longer a husband and my Dom, he can be anyone he wants to be. This “pretend” way of approaching things adds a new dynamic to our already formed bond. He can use it to play on fears that I have but also act in a way that is not the norm for him. It’s been interesting, to say the least.

Too big, Too small, Ah just right

I have been on the search for the perfect blindfold. One that blocks out all light. Most I have found leave a space where the nose connects to the eyebrow ridge. Although I often close my eyes when blindfolded, a natural reaction to the dark I suppose, when open, that small sliver of light throws me off. This increases the amount of time it takes for me to sink into deep submission. The mind is a powerful organ and without the right tools to shut it off, it just keeps going and going.

The light that comes through seems a contradiction to the purpose of the blinder, hence the search for the right one. A friend and fellow submissive suggested a hood once when we were chatting. The idea is intriguing enough that I hope to be able to report back about that soon.

When in Need

The fantastic part about blindfold’s is that almost anything can be used. In a pinch, we have just used a strip of fabric, like a scarf or at one time, a curtain tie. Mister K’s favourite thing to use is my shirt, pulled up over my eyes, effectively binding my arms as well. Anything will work, you just need to be creative.

If a blindfold is not available, some will have their partner(s) lie face down, stand in a corner, or keep their hands over their eyes. For someone with a phobia of the dark, or who experiences claustrophobia, these can be great ways to give a feeling of being cut off from their sight, without it actually being so. As well, they can be great ways to ease a reluctant partner into using blindfolds.

There’s a Kink for that

There is a kink that is known as amaurophilia. This is where one partner becomes aroused when the other is blindfolded or genuinely vision impaired. The reasoning behind this is unknown but is believed to be about religious guilt, self-consciousness about nudity, or low self-esteem. I would like to add that this is just suggested knowledge and not based on actual studies. Nobody has willingly come forward to have this kink analyzed, at least yet. Whatever the reason, it’s safe to say that blindfolds have their use in and outside of the world of kink.

On the other side of this is a discomfort that can come from having sex under bright lights. Again, not much is known about this, but there must be something to it. Many people claim that sex is better with the lights off. Whether that is about insecurity or fetish doesn’t seem to matter. There are enough people who agree.

Seeing is Believing

Blindfolds should only be used with consenting partners and those you trust. While using one can increase the amount of trust in a dynamic, it also has the potential to do more harm than good. But if you’re willing, ready, and able, a blindfold may be the best thing to ever enter your bedroom, after yourself, of course.

As with all play, communication is key, so don’t forget to have those conversations before play and to ask questions during. If you find that blindfolds aren’t for you, no need to worry. There’s still plenty of ways to get your kink on, and plenty to learn so it doesn’t feel like you’re going in blind.

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