Dressing Up in my Submissive Identity

Kinky Advent 2020-Day 11

See other posts in this project here.

It’s Day 11 of Kinky Advent 2020, and today is about dressing up (or down) for the season and thinking about our submissive identity. Often, we try to fit into labels instead of creating them anew. With that in mind, I “created” a Christmas outfit, and did some self-reflection.

Christmas Dress Up

The SafeworD/s Club tasked us with dressing in style. The idea was to find a way to bring a little bit of Christmas into our lives. Be it with a full roleplay or a sneaky undergarment. As Christmas cheer is not lacking here, I did both.

I really love this body suit because I bought it for mine and Mister K’s first night as a married couple. But as most married couples will tell you, it wasn’t used. You’re so tired at the end of such a long eventful day that all you want is to sleep, with or without your new spouse. We did get to use it the next morning though, and even added some rope. Today, I used some ribbon. It felt really good to wear it.

Every time I wear this suit, I think of the wonderful day we had and what our wedding ceremony meant to us. Adding it to todays theme was done on purpose, and that brings me to the Submissive Guide’s prompt.

Pancake Identity

If you haven’t read Kacie Cunningham’s book Conquer Me, you won’t understand the prompt title. To sum it up, a sub and her Dom are eating breakfast and she is saying how she doesn’t quite fit into her label. She doesn’t always feel submissive, and slave encompasses more than she feels. She eventually tells him, I just want to be pancakes.

When he asks what she means, she goes on to say that he obviously likes pancakes. He ordered them for breakfast, they’re low-maintenance and he enjoys them. They’re not at all like her breakfast, which was crepes. She just wanted to be “something he would order”.

I think many bottoms feel this at some point. Whether it’s the constraints of vanilla life, the terms others give to our identity, or we’re just unsure where we fit. It’s not uncommon (I hope) and therefore, something to be reflected on.

The SG prompt asked us to think back on our journey and think about the words we use to identify ourselves. While I do use the term submissive and feel it accurately describes my role in MY dynamic, I don’t always feel like it’s the best word.

Some days I am more of a slave and others, there isn’t a submissive bone in my body. To be submissive means to yield to or obey another’s will. While most times I do, occasionally it’s hard pressed. I use bottom more often then submissive when talking about dynamics on this site for that specific reason.

There are also times when I question the term masochist, rope bunny and slut. Sure, all these labels suit me, but once in a rare while, I don’t want anything to do with them. Those are the days when I need Mister K’s guidance the most. To date, he hasn’t let me down.

Tomorrow is about being proud of who we are, and service. Sounds like a wonderfully submissive day.

Until then, bottoms up!

To see who else is dressing up for Kinky Advent, or discussing their submissive side, click on the badge.