In Dependence

When Mister K and I got married, we choose to leave the submission part of our vows intact. Our officiant was an older lady, who had been married for many years. She and her husband were farmers who had seen numerous seasons and many tribulations. Briefly, she mentioned to me that she was shocked that in 2019, there was still a woman in the world who was okay with “ I will honour, obey and submit” in their vows. It had been many years since someone had asked her to include those words.

As a submissive, this was not at all odd to me. I’ve already given that vow, in different words, in another setting. This was just more of the same, this time in front of those we cared about. It did feel different to make this vow in front of others though. More true, more real, more substantial. Standing together with our most cherished people and exclaiming the feelings that I had only ever felt inside and disclosed in private was quite freeing.

To Be or Not to be

That’s what true independence is, isn’t it? Freedom. Freedom to choose. To be attached or not, to have children or not. To come, to go, to leave or to stay. To buy the dress, or eat that piece of cake. To go on vacation or to move across the world for a career. To be submissive or not to another.

Many take the liberties that come with independence for granted, not understanding what a true gift it is. Others understand on the other side of that freedom you sometimes find undesirable times. Loneliness, lack of support, and a constant uphill climb. Being completely independent requires work that most aren’t willing to put in. To those that are, they also find eventually, that no man is an island.

Dependently Independent

There was a time when I embraced independence, wanting to be able to claim its benefits. I took pride in not relying on others for my welfare, my income, my parenting. I grew to know that I was strong, but even then, I had moments where I felt unsupported. It’s a lonely world when you don’t have anyone to turn to, to ask questions of, to tell you everything is going to be okay.

Outside of my dynamic, I am still very independent. I am a free thinker, usually throwing a little perspective at others, always the devil’s advocate. I have two degrees and have been the boss. I’ve paid for a house, only to sell it, spent my life savings, only to rebuild it. I grow my own food, make my own soaps and lotions, educate my own children. To an outsider, I would seem a capable independent woman.

Inside my dynamic, I am completely dependent on Mister K. He works, while my job is to be a mother, wife, and submissive. Without him to financially support myself and our children, I would discover just how dependent on him I am. He pays for all the necessities in my life, and most of the luxuries too. I depend on Mister K for one other important thing as well. My submission. That part of me requires his Dominance. Am I still submissive without him? Of course, but his words, actions, and touch stroke my submissive side, keeping her alive and aligned. Without his presence and existence in my life, my submission wouldn’t disappear, but it would be muted. For a time.

Making D/s Reality

When I first disclosed my need for D/s in my life, I had this vision that it would be on my knees, serving Mister K 24/7. He would make all my decisions, decide what I would wear, eat, and everything in between. What a fantasy that was. D/s is not a fantasy world. It requires more than just wishes and wants. It requires communication, trust, and above all, compromise.

Mister K doesn’t want a mindless submissive, as much as it would be lovely for me to be so. But I think that is the slave tendency in me speaking. It would be great to not have to worry about making decisions, or deciding if something is good enough. But that is not who Mister K is, and honestly, I don’t think that’s who I am either. He wants someone who challenges him, someone who speaks their mind and knows who they are, without anyone else having to tell them. He wants someone who matches him and compliments his set of talents. In being this for him, he does the same for me. We’re often told that we’re a great couple, reflecting each other nicely. It’s great that others can see what we feel.

Interdependence

Interdependence is something that we strive for. Depending on each other. Knowing that we are there for the other. Even if we don’t agree, we always have each others back. We stand together and weather the storm as one. Beside me, I always have my biggest fan and my best ally, so while I’m not independent of him, together we are independent of the rest of the world.

It took many years to get where we are. Years of work, time, and patience. After we started our D/s dynamic is when we really started to see the benefits of our mutual dependency. It gave us the foundation we needed to build something bigger and mutually beneficial. Our interdependence lets us know for certain that everything will be alright. We just need to stand together and believe in what we are.

I know that without Mister K, I would be fine. I could start again. I could find a job, a new partner, a different way of life, but I’m quite happy I don’t have too. In my dependence on him, I have found the best way to be free.

To see who else is talking about Independence for Wicked Wednesday prompt#423, click on the badge.

For more of MrsK’s thoughts on D/s, see Let’s Talk About, or Submissive Journal. 

Need some inspiration? Take a peek at Photography, or read some short erotica in Fiction by MrsK.