In the Shade

For those who know me well, it’s no secret that I’ve felt I was living in the shade for what feels like an overly extended time. Some of that is maintained by the shortened season of the Northern Hemisphere, the measly hours of sunlight each day. Some is the belief that I’m simply not shining in any capacity, especially those areas that are important to me. And a bit more is because I’ve been feeling like I’m living in a shadow. Of someone else. And someone I used to be.

Life has a funny way of throwing oddballs at you when you least expect it. Perhaps they are designed to test you. Perhaps they are wake up calls to remind you not to take things for granted. Maybe that’s just Karma keeping us on our toes. Some days I hope it’s coincidence – although I’m not sure I believe in coincidence.

Regardless of the reasons why things change, having some difficulty dealing with emotions created by mine and Mister K’s dynamic ending, I sought out therapy.

At a recent session, I was expressing how now that I’m no longer in the role of submissive 24/7 (or any amount of time…), I sometimes feel like I’m living in a shadow of my former self, or that I’m trying to navigate a new path in the dark. And more worriedly, I’d started to feel as if I belonged there.

She replied plainly (in that way only therapists can achieve)…

Taking a break in the shade is not the same as embracing the dark.

As I’m known to do, I thought about this statement a lot. It stuck with me for days – and nights, and I found my mind drifting back to it as if my mind had a mind it’s own.

I thought about the things I used to do in my dynamic that I loved. The photography, the bondage, the self-discovery. How I often feel like I lack direction in those areas because I’m no longer receiving any.

I was thinking about that exact thing in fact when I received a message from a fellow local photographer, asking if I had an image, or could supply one that fit a certain theme.

The next day, I received a commission offer as a ghostwriter for another kink site.

And I’m sad to say that for both, I simply thought of not answering the call.

But then I thought back to that moment with my therapist, and picked up my phone.

In perfect oddball, maybe-it’s-a-coincidence fashion, both were eerily on topic.

The ghostwriting piece – how to get over a BDSM breakup

And the image? A request for a topless photo, the theme “Stepping into the light.”

In a fraction of a second, I suddenly had a sense of direction.

And I realized some things about being in the shade.

Sometimes, it’s a nice reprieve. From the heat and the glaring sun. It’s a place to stop and rest and gather. It’s sheltered, and comfortable. The shade is an excellent place to wipe the sweat from your brow, drink something refreshing and perhaps take a nap.

Stay too long though, and you’ll start to believe you’re living in the dark. You’ll hunker down, batten the hatches, and perhaps decide the shade is a great place to just… stay.

But there’s a secret to living in the shade.

A simple change. A moment of chance. One step. And the darkness is gone. Replaced with brilliance and flamboyance. Life.

So enjoy the shade when you need to. But when it’s time, be sure to answer the call and…

step into the light.

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In the Shade has been added to the blogging means, Boob Day, and Mmm Mondays. Click those badges to see more wonderful themes.

I’ve also added a pingback to Mrs Fever’s 43 for 23, prompt: In the Shade.

For more photography, check this out.

For more of MrsK’s musings, see here.