Jars Full of Gratitude

Years ago, I attended a seven-day leadership course. There I learned many valuable things, but what I was taught wasn’t as important as what I took away. While I went there to learn how to become an effective leader, I left knowing how to be a grateful person. The best leaders know that without gratitude, you are not a leader, just the boss. If you don’t the difference between those two, you’re probably the latter. I can’t remember the instructors name, or when the course happened but I do remember the jars full of gratitude.

On our first day, the instructor started by giving each of us an empty jar.

The jars were ordinary and could be found anywhere, there was nothing special about them, that we could see. Silently, he walked throughout the room full of strangers and just as silently, placed an empty jar in front of each of us. After he had finished, he stood at the front of the group and waited. It only took me about 3 seconds to realise that he wanted us to ask a question, and I took the bait.

“What are the jars for?’”

The others around me laughed, as they all knew that was the question on everyone’s mind. Our instructor smiled at me and said, “I’m glad you asked.” Again, the room filled with laughter and when it abated, he continued. “The jars are for your first assignment. Each day at the end of our session, I want you to write three things you’re grateful for. They can be anything. You got up on time, didn’t have car trouble or maybe you simply have food in your bellies. They can be related to anything that you like, big or small, no one else will see them unless you choose to share.”

At the end of each day, we were given 5 minutes to write what we were grateful for.

He even supplied post-it notes in various colours, so we could choose which colour best suited us. The first day was difficult as new ideas often are. After wasting four minutes thinking about it, I quickly wrote,

“I have food, clothing and shelter.”

“My family is beautiful and brings me joy.”

“I know that I am loved.”

Every day we did the same, but I noticed after the second day, it became easier to acknowledge what I was grateful for. Having the thought at the top of my mind for the entire day made it so when the time came, I had a harder task of picking three than trying to find three.

After the seven days, he spoke about how at the beginning of the week, the jars were the same. They looked the same, felt the same and there was nothing special about them. But at the end of the week they each contained our most valued thoughts and feelings. The colours inside each were not the same, nor were the words. They were valuable because we saw them as such, and that was the most important thing about them.

“They are you, your experiences, trials and tribulations, and each is as unique as the person it belongs to.”

He finished his lecture by asking if anyone wanted to share the contents of their jars. While I knew I had many things that I wanted to share, I am terrified of public speaking and so, I did not raise my hand. A few other’s did and while their words of gratitude were similar to mine in the sense that they too were grateful for the material things they have, the love of their families and the joys of parenting, some I couldn’t fathom, and hope I never have too.

“My husband got a new wheelchair, and it fits through the doorways better.”

“This week I signed my divorce papers and it has officially finalized. I feel freer than I have in years”

“My son passed away 6 months ago, but his baby girl was born this week, and when I see her, I get to see him again.”

Listening to these made me realise that even on days when we feel like we have nothing of greatness, we still have many reasons to be grateful.

As well, things can always be worse.

Thinking that the idea behind a gratitude jar could be beneficial, I took it with me and implemented it at work and home. At work, I asked my staff to write something when they felt the desire to. No need to force it, only if they wanted to share. I asked that they write them anonymously and be aware that I would share the contents of the jar at our monthly meetings. It started slowly, one or two tiny pieces of coloured paper each week. But after a few months, my team began to enjoy the sharing process. They also became more aware of what they have to be grateful for. I left that job almost four years ago now, yet the jar still remains.

At home, I tried something different. Each New Year’s Eve we decorate a jar and write good intentions on it. Words like love, laughter, friendship and for my children who still want everything, money. I ask my family to write down things throughout the year that make them feel thankful, grateful or happy. At the end of the year, we read through all the things that happened and it reminds us of what we have and what we have achieved. Likewise, it starts the next year with good intentions. I like this because often we forget all the good moments that happen, and sometimes we need a reminder.

I’m sad to say that my jar isn’t as full this year as it has been in the past.

2020 has been rough for most of us, whether due to the pandemic, or not. For myself, I have been cut off from what I enjoy for so long, I wonder if I will ever get it back. No clubs, rope nights or Femdom Saturdays.  I have spent 257 days straight with my children and husband, and no one else. Not even a single coffee with a friend. As of today, all social gatherings have been banned in my community, even family dinners. It seems like I will have another endless amount of days that are the same.

But even though I am having difficulty seeing the silver linings, I know they are there. We are often reminded of them in places where we struggle to see them, or maybe our blinders make them hard to acknowledge. No matter where the reminders appear, the important thing is to address them.

Some things I will be adding to my gratitude jar today are:

“My family is healthy and happy (as much as can be expected during a pandemic).”

“I live humbly and therefore carry no debt.”

“I have friends near and far who check up on me, even when they have their own shit to worry about.” You know who you are!

“My almost adult son reminded me that art is subjective, and for every person who doesn’t like your style, ten more will!”

“My little one loves to laugh and reminded me of the words of Dr Suess that those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.

And last but not least, I’m beyond grateful for my husband and Dom who knows that the “quickest way to put the sparkle back in my eye is to leave stripes on my ass.”

This year has sucked, and although we can’t see the end, it too will come. I am so grateful for all of you who took the time to read my posts and leave your words of encouragement behind. You make my blog worth doing and give me hope for tomorrow. And for that hope, I thank you.

To see who else is giving thanks and showing gratitude for #wickedwednesday, hit the bullseye.

For more posts like this, see Submissive Journal.

Header image curtesy of Canva.com