Lessons Learned in Lockdown

Lessons Learned in Lockdown

Initially, I just wanted to write about how the crisis (one that is just begun, unfortunately) has affected me, my life, my dynamic. But this situation is so much bigger than that. It’s bigger than me, my desire for just a little peace. A little grace from the changes that are happening too fast. We all need time to adjust, to recreate how we see ourselves inside this new world. No grace has been given. We have been thrown into the fray with no warning, no ability to foresee an outcome, no welcoming party.

We’re currently living in a strange time. One where the love and support of our neighbours and friends have become a threat and keeping to ourselves is the cure. As a race, we are not designed to be isolated, confined, separated. We are social creatures, utilizing others to simplify our lives, to create meaning, to find balance. Even those of us who enjoy our solitude, our inner monologue, are finding this unprecedented time a challenge.

Taking a toll

How spoiled are we as a race that our biggest worry is when we can leave our homes? Death tolls are rising worldwide. 500 per day in New York, over 80 000 in Italy, Spain is closing in on those numbers. China will have entire cities that will never be the bustling communities they once were. And that’s just a part of a whole. In all of this, most of us are worried about when we can go outside and get back to our lives and jobs that we really didn’t like so much to begin with. During all of this, I think about when I can get more books from the library. When I’ll again have a beer with my friend. When can we get back to handshakes and hugs, whispered moments and joyous laughter? But it’s not selfish to grief a loss, even if you’re unsure what that loss is.

It seems odd to me that something that can be destroyed with simple soap and water can cause such havoc. The world economy will take years if not decades to recover from the current slump. Canadian oil (our biggest export) is trading at negative value for the first time in a century. Business as we know it will never be the same. Many restaurants and local business will forever shut their doors after this ends. The economic crisis that follows this event will be staggering. We will talk about it for the next 20 years, if not more.

Good, bad and in-between

Not in 100 years have we seen the entire world come together, but be so far apart. In that separation, some truly great things have come to pass. World pollution levels are at all-time lows. Wildlife has begun to reclaim what is rightfully theirs. We’ve seen nations helping nations that they were once at war with. We’ve seen neighbours helping neighbours, family reconciling differences. World wide projects are presented on the internet, like From My Window:Adding sunshine to Social Distancing and View from My Window (Both are Facebook pages). Entire communities singing from rooftops and balconies. Many have volunteered to shop for the elderly, to help maintain yards and homes and help form a new normal. Acts of kindness are everywhere.

We’ve also seen some truly horrific acts. Entire buildings being barricaded with the residents still inside. Presidents worried more about the economy than the citizens on which the economy relies. The surge of cases of domestic violence is staggering. For many, this time will bring change that we can not even imagine. Children whose only reprieve from neglect and abuse was 8 hours a day at a school they are unsure they will ever see again. Weddings have been canceled, funerals have had no one attend. It all takes its toll.

Future generations will look back at this time the way we look at World War II and the Great Depression. It will be as sobering to them as it is to us, but they will not truly understand the fear, the chaos, the tragedy that we all create in our minds. Just as we don’t truly know the times before us. But they will know we persevered.

D/stressing our situation

I have been fortunate. My life hasn’t had a colossal change. Mister K continues to go to work each day. I have continued to educate our children. Our life has very much kept on while the world is standing still. I’m grateful for that. But it’s not the big things that have changed for many. It’s the little things. The details, the things we often take for granted. The places we go that give our lives meaning. The people we share and connect with. The relationships that we create outside our homes. The roles we play that define us.

I know Mister K and I will come out of this stronger than when we went in. We always do, and we have had many events try to cause derision between us. We’ve been diligent on checking in with each other. Maintaining a D/s dynamic is difficult at the best of times. Add a little fear and uncertainty and you have a recipe for disaster. While some days have been challenging, I am so grateful to have such an individual in my corner. Mister K has been a great support during this time. When I have moments where it feels like everything is falling apart, he has held me together figuratively and literally. I hope I do the same for him.

Our dynamic is as strong as it ever has been, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t had to take a step back here and there. Mister K goes to work each day. He experiences a reprieve from the home, the same four faces each day. He views different walls and converses with other people, all with their own characteristics. And during this time away I sit at home, wondering how we will entertain ourselves on this day. Afraid to go to the grocery store because I may inadvertently bring the virus home. One that I will survive, I have no doubt. But what of the others that won’t? What if one of the others are mine?

But I realise that by taking that reprieve (one that is truly obligation), Mister K puts himself at risk each day. All in the name of being a supportive father, husband and Dom. While I have been focused on what is not right in my world, he has been trying to keep it as normal as possible. By doing his duty he is put into a situation that many will never have to experience. During a time when most get the opportunity to stay home, to be safe, he has to forgo his safety. He has at times expressed fear of infecting someone who may not be as healthy as us. Or not being able to fight it, should he catch it. A sobering thought.

Looking to the Future

While things have very much stayed the same, I know I am changed. Reading about the unclaimed bodies in New York being buried in mass graves (this is the modern, free world, people) is heartbreaking. The visions of coffins lying in lines, row upon row in Italy will forever be imprinted in my memory. The horror that has visited so many has been absent from my life, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t left an impact. As a collective whole, the world will forever be changed. If it’s not, maybe we are the problem. We’ve been given an opportunity to find a new way to be human. It truly is a time of profound metamorphic transformation.

Looking back at my personal journal, I’ve found that my emotions have been mercurial at best, self-sabotaging at worst. We’ve all found ways to adapt, to move forward as we so often do. The human race is made of survivors, those that refuse to be pushed down and forgotten. That’s how we’ve made it this far, and that’s how we’ll continue after this ends. 

Be the change you wish to see in the world

Take care and be safe!

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To read more about MrsK and her views, opinions and vision, see Submissive Journal.

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