On-Line Lovin’

It seems the whole world is on social media. With new platforms being created almost daily, it’s almost impossible to not be, although Mister K has done a terrific job of avoiding it. While it may have started as a way to keep people connected, it has become a source of division more so than ever. Social media gives us the ability to post any and all thoughts publicly, with little consequence for our actions. We’ve created a virtual world where scruples and morals aren’t needed and god bless you if you get caught up in that. We all want our opinions heard; as a blogger, that’s pretty much what I do, but without checking facts and making informed decisions, opinions don’t amount to much.

But there are truly amazing things happening on social media as well though, and I have been privileged to meet some of the most amazing people one could know. I have been able to stay in contact with people the world over, watching as they live their lives, and am lucky to continue to meet extraordinary people each day. So, like most things in the world, it has its dark moments, but also those filled with light. I choose to live in the latter.

In a world where anxiety is etched in a large amount of the population, the world of social media is a blessing. I have friends that live almost their entire social lives online, floating between apps to talk with people that are only known as the square images in the top left corner. One such friend is Liz.

Online Dating

I have never been on an online dating site, or pursued an online relationship, although I have been offered. To me, there is something intimate about sitting across from a person, seeing how their eyes crinkle when they smile, or if their smile even reaches their eyes. I like knowing that they are who they say they are. Call me old fashioned. As a blogger, I  know many people exclusively online and I thoroughly enjoy talking with them and have learned over time that they are genuine. But when it comes to something like dating, it seems like a time for me to say “not my kink.”

Maybe I’m lucky and can adapt well and therefore I can talk with almost anyone, for a time at least. Maybe it’s the fact that I have never had to go looking for someone. The people I have dated have all seemed to fall in my lap (that sounds better than it is, truly), and therefore finding a suitable partner, or booty call was never an issue…

My friend Liz though has dated almost entirely online and has had many compatible relationships. I would even say more compatible than some of mine. Most of these suitors she has never met in person, a strange “dating” concept to me. Others she has, but I would say that 90% of the time, the two of them have never met “in-real-life”. She has had relationships with these people for years at a time and while I can’t quite understand this, she is as devoted to these relationships and I am to mine with Mister K. So, there must be something to it.

Sex in the On-line World

I once asked her if she missed sex and she looked at me like I had asked about how to get to the moon. She asked what I meant and I clarified, “Don’t you miss sex. You know, two or more people coming together in intimacy to perform sexual intercourse…” What could she possibly not understand?

Again she looked at me like I was a bit dense (she may be right) and said, “I don’t miss it because I have “sex”, regularly.”

How was that possible?

“It’s simple. We play with toys, or use our hands, on video chat. So we can both see.”

“That’s mutual masturbation. Not sex.” I said.

“Is it?” she asked, one eyebrow arched, hands resting on her hips.

Wasn’t it?

Virtual Sex

We are part of a world where almost everything is being redefined, so why not this too? We sext, have phone sex, watch porn, and even share ourselves in exhibitionist posts all over the world wide web. I am a self-professed sex-blogger, so obviously, virtual sex is a thing but is it the same thing as sex?

Liz says yes.

She went on to ask me what makes sex in person different than sex on-line? I said “the intimacy for one and the ability to touch your partner and feel them touch you for another.”

“So, do you think that having sex on camera is any less intimate than in real life? How about the fact that the entire scene is being recorded, with no editing, or that just like when you’re in a room alone with someone, you feel the connection with them. I get that feeling too. And about the touching, you’re a submissive, do you always get to touch Mister K? Does he always touch you during play?

And she’s right, we don’t always touch. Some of our scenes are designed specifically around the lack of touch. And that doesn’t make them any less intimate. I think she may know something I don’t. I also think maybe I need to redefine my definition of intimacy.

I also want to mention how much bravery and positive self-esteem it must take to perform sexual acts online. I have a hard time doing a striptease for Mister K and don’t even get me started on photography. I think I could learn a thing or two from the online life-stylers, something life-changing. Not being able to edit gives me anxiety, and what does that say about my “real-life”?

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed

We become attached to our online friends. While at one time I would have said that those aren’t real, true, and genuine friendships, I now know that is simply not true. Like I said, I know many people exclusively on-line. I would support, stick my neck out for and step up to the plate for any of them, if needed. The value of friendship isn’t based on whether the coffee dates happen in real life or on-line. We value our friendships because they give us value.

When we form friendships, all we are doing is creating a state of mutual trust and support between people. This doesn’t have to be in-person to have value, it just has to feel sincere. So be genuine, stick your neck out there and find your allies. Yes, the world is full of those who will take advantage, place blame where it is not warranted, and use you, but there are also others who want to live in the light. So go out there, find your tribe and march bravely.

To see who else is on about Social Media for #wickedwednesday, hit the bullseye.

For more about MrsK’s thoughts, see About MrsK, Submissive Journal or Let’s Talk About.

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