Oral Sex-The Give and Take

If you don’t like oral sex I would say that you’re doing it wrong. While it does take a bit of technique to be good at either cunnilingus or fellatio it should be an enjoyable experience for all involved. I’m often told by women that they don’t enjoy giving blowjobs which is a bit confusing for me. As a daily receiver of oral sex I find gratification in being able to give back to Mister K. I don’t have as much experience as I would like with cock sucking (I know, I’m shocked too) but that doesn’t mean I’m not up for the challenge. It has many benefits, the ability to give selflessly to your partner is only one of them.

There is some controversy around whether a top should be performing oral sex for their bottom. If you choose not to in your dynamic that’s your prerogative. Your reasons are yours and I’m not here to judge. Mister K chooses to as it is his favourite sexual act and I’m quite happy about that. Even before starting D/s, cunnilingus was a regular part of our sex life, although blow jobs were not.

Feeling Empowered

For myself, I feel quite empowered laying back and having Mister K take care of my pleasure. To see his head between my legs and know that he is enjoying the act as much as I do makes me feel strong and bold and yet also cared for. He’s a very generous lover in that regard and uses oral sex often to make sure that I get my chance to come. It has become a reward of sorts for good behaviour, although we both enjoy it so I’m unsure who the reward is truly for.

When he feels I require punishment I still receive oral sex but I’m not allowed to come. I don’t have to say how effective this is, although it doesn’t always make me want to be more submissive.

Being in Control

As a bottom I don’t often hold the power (yes, I know the submissive is the one really in control as we have limits and boundaries, not to mention safewords…), therefore I find it extremely thrilling to hold Mister K’s pleasure in my hands (Ummm, mouth?). I thoroughly enjoy watching as his eyes roll into the back of his head as a look of euphoria marks his face. I especially love it when he loses control and fucks my face, but I’ll save that for a later post. Knowing that I can give him pleasure in such an intimate way makes me want to try harder each time, something I’m sure he appreciates.

Much to my chagrin, I have not been able to bring Mister K to climax using only my mouth. This causes me some anxiety around the issue, but he has assured me numerous times that I am good at it and that it’s all in his head. For the sake of my sanity, I choose to believe that. I will admit that he seems to take the power back from me prematurely, and maybe that is to avoid any chagrin of his own.

You Give What You Get

The lovely number 69. There is something about it that feels kinkier than oral sex. I find the position to be more intimate than the standard kneeling in front of Mister K or him cuddled between my thighs. It can be hard to concentrate on my end of the bargain though when Mister K finds that magic spot, which does limit the amount of time we spend doing this.

For couples who are just starting in a new relationship or dynamic, I think 69 is an excellent way to create a new bond with the oral experience, but also to feel like it is not one-sided. The mutual act of pleasure can form the beginning of a great connection, should the embarrassment of such an intimate act not be an issue. For partners who have been together for longer or who are experimenting with new forms of play, this is an excellent time and position to explore the other sensual areas of the anatomy or add to the already considerable pleasure.

Practice makes Perfect

There is no special secret to performing oral sex. Yes, some people are better at it than others, but that is because they have practiced the art, talked with their partner(s), and followed the feedback they are given. If you take the time to learn your partner’s anatomy and what they like/dislike, giving them enjoyable oral sex can be a rewarding experience for all involved.

Deep-throating is one area that takes a bit of practice. I once took a class at a kink convention and was given a few tips (no pun intended) about how to open your throat, relax, and more importantly, trick your mind. Opening your throat is as simple as relaxing your muscles, much like you would before you swallow or yawn. Once you’re comfortable with the glans being in the back of your throat a quick swallow can change the sensation for the receiver.

The Domme who taught the deep-throating class informed us that you can stop your gag reflex by squeezing your thumb inside your fist. I have found that it works, but it also takes my concentration off the task at hand, so there is that. Mostly it will come down to how often you perform fellatio, as muscles have memory and the more often they are used, the easier it is for them to get used to the sensation.

One Size Does Not Fit All

The world is made up of people of all sizes and shapes and our genitalia is no different. Some men are circumcised, some are not. Some women have large clitoral hoods, some almost none. And the differences in labia sizes could probably fill a book (if there is one, I would love to see it). What worked for a former partner, may not work with this one, and that’s okay. It can take some time to find the right spots for this partner, but that’s half the fun. As long as you approach oral sex with a bit of enthusiasm, your partner will be happy to have you.

For the Health of It

All people create some sort of smell in that area, so don’t be embarrassed but do keep the area clean, not only for your partner’s benefit but also for your health. Showering before any sexual act is always appreciated and urinating after can help reduce the spread of bacteria. And the mouth is full of it. This will prevent uncomfortable side effects like urinary tract infections. Using condoms and dental dams can help in the prevention of STI’s, but also decrease the direct sensation resulting in a longer session, so sometimes they can be used just for fun.

Male ejaculate has quite a few health benefits for the hair and skin and is used in beauty treatments all over the world. If the taste or smell bothers you, there are ways that you can change it subtly with what you eat and drink. To enhance the flavour of both sexes, avoid strong-smelling foods like garlic and onions, and to make it less musky, try eating sweet fruits like pineapple and papaya. Also, many adult stores offer some sort of flavoured lubricant to make the taste more favorable.

For both your pleasure, whether you are the giver or receiver, remember to stay hydrated. Not only will this allow your juices to flow but your mouth will stay moist too, heightening both parties’ pleasure.

The Grand Finale

Sometimes we don’t use oral sex to get off, it’s just foreplay. That’s great too! It doesn’t have to be the whole show. It is seldom a clean experience but being messy is what sex should be all about. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner to try a new angle, position, or technique, if they are willing to do the job, they probably want to do it right.

If your mouth gets tired, don’t let that get you down, hands are great ways to give yourself a bit of a rest, while still maintaining your partner’s arousal, also allowing you to hit more spots at once. Sounds like a win-win to me. I think you’ll think so too!

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