Social Media – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Don’t Use Social Media to Impress People; Use it to impact people.

Dave Willis

I have mixed opinions about Social Media. One part of me thoroughly enjoys that humanity is so easily connected. With the simple flick of a finger, you can check on your friends, find a date, or get ideas from others posted images. You can talk about things that interest you, find advice, ask questions, give answers and overall, keep up to date with what’s happening worldwide. In fact, if it weren’t for Social Media, I wouldn’t know about politics, global news or when people’s birthdays are. It is ingrained into my life, whether or not I like it. But I mostly do.

The Blessings

I enjoy finding groups to discuss interests with, watching videos about people’s pets and their antics and sharing images of animals with my children. Every day, I send Mister K pictures from all over the world, adding to our ever-growing list of places to see. I keep in contact with family and friends that live too far away to visit. We exchange pictures, celebrate successes, and mourn together. We have a way to stay connected.

For this blog, Social Media allows me to share with my followers and readers outside of blog posts. It enables me to share my images on Instagram, tumblr and twitter. I can partake in contests, give fellow bloggers support, and share their work. It adds so much to my life, especially now that it would be a huge adjustment to live without it. I would lose contact with so many that enrich my every day, that I think I would feel lost. Even if only temporarily. But I would forever wonder how they were doing.

The Curse

It has its downsides, though. Like the fearless self-professed vigilantes that seem to make it their life work to correct and ostracize people. Those that start all interactions by searching for a reason to argue, name call, and belittle. Others that spread falsities as fact or use the multitude of platforms to keep track of others. And that other group that thinks that if you’re on Social Media, you’re open to their demands. Yes, Social Media isn’t always a blessing, even in disguise.

I consider myself lucky to have had grown up in the time before Social Media (or the internet for that matter). Past generations knew what it was like to entertain themselves, how to use an encyclopedia to get answers. I know the dewy decimal system, how to ask questions respectfully. Know when I should speak, and when to stop talking. The youth of today don’t know what it is like to interact with others without a buffer. My kids often tell me about their day, and I would say that at least half of those conversations are about what they saw on Snapchat and Tik Tok. I’ve since implemented a: Two things real, and one from social media rule. It’s a work in progress.

Social Media and Today’s Youth

I think it’s unfortunate that our youth are not as prepared as we were for the world. At least not in the same way. They don’t know how to have difficult discussions. How to make eye contact with whom they are speaking. How to set boundaries. By Social Media and its influencers, they’re told what is cool, what’s not, how to act, what to wear and the worst of all, that success is defined by what others think of them. That they need to be perfect. It’s destroying their future before it’s even begun because they are being set up for failure. But it’s not society they are failing, it’s themselves.

A good example of this was shown in an advertisement made by Dove–the soap company. It depicts a young woman editing an image of herself in reverse. It starts with her phone in her hand and on the screen is a picture of a woman. She has flawless skin, perfectly applied makeup and hair styled like she’s about to walk the red carpet.

The next frame shows the filters being removed, wideness of the face being thinned, a nose being widened, acne showing through. Then the makeup is removed, lips are no longer red, eyebrows no longer symmetrical. We see eyeliner removed, hair pulled back into a ponytail, and in the end, it shows a beautiful, but unhappy girl. Unhappy, simply because she no longer appears perfect. The original image doesn’t look much like the girl at all, and yet she was happier with the edited image. She was happier to not be herself.

Dove made the video to show how Social Media and the filters used on sites like Instagram, snapchat and Tik Tok can have the opposite effect than originally intended. One where young women feel like they are not good enough, because they are not perfect. The increased screen time during the Covid pandemic has only increased the self-loathing we see in young woman.

Knowing Who I Am

As a woman who has struggled with self-image for her entire life, it was heartbreaking to watch this young girl (she can’t be older than 15) look at herself with such sadness. I too know what it’s like to not feel good enough, pretty enough, perfect enough. The difference is, I’m almost 40 and know who I am. She’s 15 and every day starts with her not having a clue. A clue about who she wants to be, where she’d like to go. She doesn’t yet know what kind of life she wants, what type of man (or woman) she wants to marry, if she’ll even want to marry.

But she knows she wants to be pretty, thought of as perfect. Sadly, even if she was perfect, Social Media has already led her to believe she never will be. Perfect people don’t need to buy products for longer hair, clearer complexions, or tanned skin. But mega corporations would have her believe she’ll always need those things, and therefore she’ll always need to chase the desire to be perfect.

A friend of mine shared this video on Facebook (which is where I viewed it) and asked what we thought about it and the effect Social Media has on young women. As a mother of boys, I was a bit taken back that she thought this was just an issue solely for the female gender, when in fact, it affects boys and men just as much. I see it in my 17-year-old when he does sit-ups until the point of wanting to vomit. And in my 13-year-old when he smiles in the mirror but then frowns when his not-quite-straight teeth are displayed. It is not an issue for young women; it is an issue for young people, and Social Media may not be to blame, but it certainly isn’t helping.

Social Media Affects Everyone

The influence of Social Media doesn’t just affect our youth. It impacts us adults, too. I only have to look in the mirror to see that. Only have to browse through the thousands of images of my body, knowing I will only choose the best, the most flattering to share. And I’ll still edit them. Edit the cellulite, the small dimple on my bum. I’ll edit the life I’ve lived away, so that I too may appear perfect.

Or I can read posts directed at me, but not actually shared with me, written by those that say they fight for social integrity but do so in a way that is never direct or integrous. They make remarks but don’t have conversations. They peruse other’s profiles, hoping to find a small speck of dirt, even if they take all day. And when they find what they are searching for, they share it with a sense of dishing out justice. Unfortunately, there are always those that will follow the crowd, simply because it’s easier than thinking for themselves. And when one voice becomes one hundred voices, even those of us who know who we are, start to question the truth of their words.

Be Kind

The world can be a cruel place. Add the heightened sense of invincibility that many portray behind their keyboards, and there isn’t a space that is truly safe. Not really. We only need to read the comments on a Covid post to see how vile and heartless most of the population can be. And so, I edit my comments online, don’t say what I think all the time and type entire paragraphs before ultimately deciding to delete them. Why? Because I know who I am. I don’t need to have my say. I’m aware that arguing with someone who thinks they are right while having done no former research is a danger to the mind and to society. I know who I am, and I choose not to engage with people like this. Not only because I don’t agree with what they have to say, but because words can hurt and often do. Mine sometimes do too.

Some may call me a coward, but I think the real cowards are those that follow the masses. I am an individual and with Social Media or without; I am enough. I only wish the next generation could see they are too.

Use it as it was Meant

We’ve entered a time in history where social Media is the way of the future, with the pros and cons. I think the best we can hope for is to find those who are a part of our tribe, those that improve our days and ignore (as best we can) what everyone else is saying. Use Social Media as the tool it was meant, a way to keep us connected. Hopefully, with enough good people on the right side, it won’t push us further apart.

If you’d like to watch the Dove reverse selfie video, I’ve included it below.

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For more posts form bloggers about Social Media, flip the page above.

For more about MrsK opinions and unsolicited advice, see Let’s talk About, or Submissive Journal.

Cover Image found at unsplash and edited with canva.