Submission 365: Days 1-3

Days 1-3 of Submission 365 are daily prompts from The Submissive Guide’s Book : 365 Days of Submission- A Journal of Submissive Self-Discovery. All rights to the book belong to Luna Carruthers. Questions answered this site are part of a personal project of no monetary value. Lifeofakinkywife.com is not affiliated with submissiveguide.com.

A New Project

I purchased my copy of 365 Days of Submission six months ago, with great intent on completing it. And each day that went by, the book got pushed farther to the bottom of my TBR pile. After a period of personal turmoil in 2021, I came out more than aware that my submission and relationship with Mister K had suffered in the process of healing. And while I understand it is okay that those things took a back seat while I was figuring out how to operate without my seatbelt, I’ve decided that 2022 is a wonderful time to refocus on a part of me that doesn’t get nearly enough credit, time, or attention: my submission.

Using 365 Days of Submission as a guide, I’m hoping to rediscover my submission, one day, one prompt at a time. At the end of the year, hopefully I’ll understand myself more as a submissive and partner, but also as a woman.

I may not post each day. Let’s be honest, life is busy and sometimes we need to compromise our priorities. But I hope to post this journey regularly. Thanks for joining me.

The prompts are not going to be in order of the book whose rights are owned by Luna Carruthers. I will use a random prompt each day. This is for two reasons.

1. It would be rude to give away all of Luna’s secrets &
2. The book is broken into chapters, so I will be taking prompts from different chapters to break up the pattern and hopefully get the results I’m looking for.

So, without further ado…

Day 1

What is one of your earliest memories when your submissiveness came to the surface?

Yes, I just said I wouldn’t go in order, but it seems silly not to start at the beginning. That’s where all things begin…

I can’t say there was a moment when I just knew I was submissive. As a child, I was always eager to do the bidding of others and get a reward. And as a teen I was always eager to make boyfriends, and those I crushed on notice me. To the point where I was taken advantage of many times- even if I wasn’t aware of it.

One moment that stands out to me though, is when I was 16 and my boyfriend had just celebrated his 18th birthday (legal age in our province). He spent the eventing at a strip club with his buddies and had acquired a pair of panties from one of the girls.

A few days later when he and I were together, he asked me to wear the panties, and I said no. But the reason I said no was not because I thought it was dirty or wrong- although a part of me did. I said no because I didn’t understand my reaction to his question.

I was already quite sexual at 16, as he and I had experimented for years already, so I wasn’t shy. But the feeling of pure degradation I got from the request made me aroused in a way I had not felt before. The thought of doing something so humiliating as wearing another woman’s worn panties (that spelled clean, although of a perfume that made my head fill with images of sinful divulgences) made me wetter than I had ever been before.

But something about the way his desire stroked my own was what did it. I could tell he wanted, perhaps needed, to see me in those lacy black panties. If it was the last thing he did. And the idea that I could so easily please him was a heady amplifier of my already heightened state.

It didn’t take much for him to convince me to wear them. He already had an intimate knowledge of my mind and body and used it to his advantage many times.

I don’t know whatever happened to those panties (maybe he still has others wearing them-who knows), but that was the first time I had been instructed to do something I wasn’t quite comfortable with, but knew the reward of doing it would make it all worthwhile. That was the first time I really noticed that others’ happiness could bring me great satisfaction-not only mentally, but physically and sexually too, but only if executed in the right way.

Day 2

What are you struggling with right now?

Last year, I came across a secret that made me question everything I knew about myself, including my submissiveness. I had even questioned if I was submissive at all.

Because I’ve been forced to look at myself and question certain parts of myself, I have dissected other parts in the process. I’ve noticed that I’m not always satisfied with mine and Mister K’s dynamic, but like so many other times in my life I have sat quietly because I didn’t want to rock the boat.

I think the days of being a passenger in the vessel are over. It might be time for me to learn to navigate. And while I don’t think the act of being assertive makes me less submissive, I do know it will take some getting used to. Like I said in my answer to the question form day one, Iv’e always had a deep-seated need to please other people. The idea that I may not doesn’t sit well with me.

Day 3

Recall an occasion when someone was kind to you and you weren’t expecting it…

I left my job four years ago to begin homeschooling my children and as often happens when you leave a job, the people I used to spend most of my days with were slowly left behind. It wasn’t intentional, but we spent so much time doing other things that eventually the things that tied us together are no longer relevant to both parties.

Early last year, a former employee contacted me and told me she wanted me to know something she had never told me.

She said she thoroughly enjoyed have worked under me and to have gotten the chance to get to know me. She appreciated my “what you see is what you get,” mentality and wished she had told me the day I left, which she said she had wanted to say then, but the idea of saying goodbye was too emotional for her. It was emotional for me too.

This lovely message came when I had just found out my father wasn’t who I believed he was and I was wondering if I was even the person I thought. In one simple gesture, she instantly reminded me we are who we are, and nothing can change that. Not our parents, our circumstances, or our moments of self-doubt. (cemented a day later by another dear friend who said these exact same words-she knows who she is).

I don’t know if that former employee knows how much her words gave me a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, but that act of kindness couldn’t have come at a better time (my level of self-loathing was at an all-time high) and I hope she knows how appreciative I am of her time and sentiment. I won;t be dramatic and say she saved a life, but she may likely have….

Not the positive note I had hoped to leave you on, so I’ll part with this:

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Geaorge Bernard Shaw

See you soon with Day 4 of 365 Days of Submission.

Header Image for Days 1-3 first seen on Blank Canvas.

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