Submission 365: Days 47-54

Days 47-54 of Submission 365 are daily prompts from The Submissive Guide’s book: 365 Days of Subission-A Journey of Self-Discovery. All rights to the book belong to Luna Carruthers. Questions answered on this site are part of a personal project and hold no monetary value. Lifofakinkywife.com is not affiliate with submissiveguide.com

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Yeah, I know. I’ve been shit at keeping up with this. It is on my mind, but I have so many other things occupying space in my mind (rent free, I may add), that I’ve continued to neglect this very important part of my life.

Another reason I have been absent is because Mister K and I have discussed our dynamic and for now, it is on an “as needed” basis. Meaning, we are no longer engaging in D/s 24/7 and really only when Mister K can tell I need it. He has admitted (although I already knew) D/s not a necessity for him, and as such, we have decided to give it a break. So, I’ve had the thought that a submissive journal is a moot point.

But then I remembered that being submissive is a part of who I am, and I can’t rely on others (even my husband) to nourish that part of me. We are masters of our own destinies after all.

Okay, moving on…

Day 47

Write a letter to yourself 5 years ago…

Dear Past me,

Not much is different from 5 years ago, and yet, everything seems different. That feeling you have now, that question about whether you’re a good submissive will fade, although it will never really go away. But you will become comfortable with it and enjoy it more than you do now. You’ll fight it less and embrace it more, but you’ll still have days where you’ll wonder what it was you agreed too.

Mister K doesn’t know how to handle you quite yet, even though it’s been a few years, but soon he’ll figure out he hold the keys. Sometimes he’ll forget it, and sometimes you’ll need to remind him, but the bond you’re forming now will overcome so many upcoming obstacles. Those will all be small bumps in the road, although they will feel like mountains. But together you and Mister K will conquer anything that comes your way.

When the day comes that you find out that you’ve been lied to and betrayed, remember who the enemy is, and always ask yourself if there is an actual enemy at all.

Day 48

What do you want to ask your fellow submissives?

I have spoken to many submissives, and they are always different. I have yet to find two of anyone the same. That being said, I do often wonder…

Do you always agree with your submissiveness? For example, is there ever a time when deep inside, you fight it? How do you reconcile the difference?

Day 49

What do you think is the biggest misconception from the outside world regarding BDSM?

There are so many. That BDSM is abuse (sorry that’s not how consent works). That people who practice BDSM are mentally unstable, although “science” (a term I am starting to despise) shows that practitioners of BDSM are actually quite mentally astute and aware.

One I get a lot is that I have daddy issues.

I’ve spoken before about sexual abuse as a child. I’ve talked before about being in foster care. Is there a chance I do have daddy issues? I don’t see why not. But that would mean that every woman who dates or sleep with an older man automatically has daddy issues. And the chances of that aren’t very high (again, science…)

In reality, it could just be that we like older men. You know ones who have their shit together, that know what to do in the bedroom and know what they will do to get what they want. Some of us love that show of confidence (not to mention experience). If a younger man displayed those traits (and I’ve dated one or two who did), plenty of women would be all over that, daddy issues or not.

Day 50

Define Love.

Love. What a strange word, for a strange language. Love means so many things to us in English. It can be a word used to show a fondness for food, for a hairstyle, for a car. We use it for such little things, that when we mean it for big things, it is often overlooked.

In other languages, love is separate from LOVE. Spanish for instance. You would say Te Amo to someone who was a romantic partner. But never to a parent or sibling, or about something mundane like a hairstyle. For that you would say, Me Encanto (or encanta) and just from the word used, you know what type of love is being described.

For my answer, I’ll stick to romantic love. Messy, wonderful, shameless love.

To me love is a holistic experience. It encompasses you, invades all parts of you, and like everything else that interrupts us while we are busy living, sometimes it will annoy us, irritate us, and even destroy our once well-known thoughts of self. Love is the catalyst that changes the world, but sometimes it is also it’s downfall. It’s imperfect and yet, when you are with the person/people you love, you are content.

Day 51

Is the inner you aligned with the outer you?

Well, as I age, it seems to become less so. Internally, I sometimes don’t recognize the woman in the mirror, and I do mean woman. Gone are the days of perfect skin integrity and evenly shaded hair. Each day, I have more lines and wrinkles, a few more white hairs than I remember having the one before, so sometimes when I look in the mirror, that woman is a stranger.

Then I smile at her and no longer care, because strangers are simply chances for new friendships.

BUT

I do have insecurities like everyone else and I do let them guide my choices sometimes, but I am who I am, and what you see is what you get. So, whether the inner me is aligned all the time or not, I’m comfortable in my misalignment and really appreciate the days when both sides line up.

Now as for my submissive side, no, never. On the outside, no one would ever guess that I willingly get on my knees for anyone. Most in the lifestyle who meet me for the first time assume I am a top (maybe that says something that I refuse to read into). Of course, a lot has happened over my lifetime, so had the same people met me twenty years ago, maybe their perception would be different?

You become who you need to be, and it doesn’t really matter if the two sides match, only that you acknowledge them.

Day 52

What would a perfect day look like to you?

Oh, perfection. A myth of epic proportions.

But one can dream.

I’m assuming it’s only one day, so I’ll eliminate anything that would be part of a regular day.

I would wake up naturally in a tropical location. Have sex (and I mean it in every sense of the word) to the sound of waves lapping a shore. I’d eat fresh exotic fruits for breakfast, then take a walk on the beach.

I would likely have sex again (likely with the same person, but I’m open to options), take a nap, drink chilled wine and see where the rest of the day takes me. Nothing exuberant. No expectations, just me throwing caution to the wind and taking chances. No cares, no worries. Sounds heavenly, no?

Day 53

What advice would you give a new submissive just exploring submission?

It’s okay to take your time. Don’t rush into things. Do your research. If you don’t know what something (a kink or fetish) is, ask. Find a mentor. Vet more than one D-type at a time. There are no rules about possession until someone puts a collar on it. Vetting is not playing.

Find a crowd you enjoy and get to know them. They will become closer than family.

And most importantly.

IF YOU ARE VETTING A NEW DOM AND MEETING THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME, HAVE A FRIENDLY CALL ARRANGED AHEAD OF TIME. MAKE IT EVERY HOUR UNTIL THE MEETING ENDS. ASK FOR A DRIVER’S LICENSE COPY BEFORE YOU MEET AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDLY CALL RECIPIENT.

It seems a lot, but better safe than sorry (and thinking it is safer because your D type is a woman could be a mistake).

I’m sorry for yelling.

Day 54

Do you test boundaries at times? Why or why not?

I think everyone tests boundaries from time to time. Anyone with children knows it a natural tendency so that we can learn where we fit in. Testing boundaries also checks your D type- meaning, it gives them an opportunity to act on the consequences they have in place or to learn that they are empty words.

I think in early dynamics, you’ll see a lot of this behavior, because again, you’re learning where you fit in. It also lets you know what to expect and shows that your D-type is serious (if he/she does, in fact, follow through on the consequences).

In a well-organized dynamic, these types of tests fade over time as we learn that the consequences are always the same, or that certain outburst won’t be tolerated.

And of course, there are brats, who use this type of behavior to purposely get a rise from their Dom/Dommes. If this is their dynamic, power to them. It does look like a lot of fun, but I can never push the boundaries too far as I am certainly a people pleaser. But Mister K does like friendly banter back and forth, and I am more than inclined to play the role 😊

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I’m now about 30 days behind, and have no thoughts that I will catch up (at least any time soon). But I will keep posting as I can. Better late than never?

Header image for Days 47-54 originally found in Submit and Surrender

For some older posts about D/s, check this out.