Submission 365: Days 6-8

Days 6-8 of Submission 365 are daily prompts from The Submissive Guide’s book: 365 Days of Submission- A Journal of submissive self-discovery. All rights to the book belong to Luna Carruthers. Questions answered on this site are part of a personal project and hold no monetary value. Lifeofakinkywife.com is not affiliated with submissiveguide.com.

Days 1-3

Days 4-5

Day 6

Name three people you admire. Do they know you admire them? How did they change your life?

It took me three days to come up with an answer for this, not because many people don’t have admirable qualities, and yet exactly because of that- people have admirable qualities. Most of the people I’d say I look up to are not known to me, but qualities they possess are. I.e.: Keanu Reeves giving most of his profits from the Matrix to charity. Or Mother Teresa and her work in India with lepers.

I wanted to choose people who I knew/know, more-so than just in history books or what I see on T.V. It was a tough task to think of people that I wanted to be like (I kind of like me, even when I don’t), but I finally came up with these three.

MR. B

MR. B was my high school English teacher and he and I had the most fascinating conversations. He never shied away from any topic, no matter how taboo, and always had an interesting outlook. Openly gay in the late 90s in a rural Canadian town, Mr. B wasn’t always treated with the respect he deserved, but he never, not once, let it get to him. He remained composed throughout any situation and owned who he was, inside and out.

He also gave me a great grade on my very first erotic story and although he choose not to have it read before the class, pulled me aside to tell me that while not appropriate for a high school, I had something that I shouldn’t give up.

And here we are today 😊   

My Foster Dad (one of many)

This is an unfortunate choice, because he passed away before I realized how much I admired him. He was a hard man to know, to live with and to be a charge of. Old-fashioned, he ensured I didn’t leave the house in dresses too short. Money conscientious, he told me to get a job when I asked for even a dollar. He was terrified of bugs and all small critters and made me laugh in hysterics more than once at his antics, but none of those reasons are why I admire him.

When he passed, it saddened me. He was young, only 55, and it was much too early for him to leave this earth. But his funeral was something that I’ll never forget. From all over the world, thousands of people attended. Seriously. Held in the biggest church we could access, it was still standing room only, with a line out the door. And he was just an ordinary man. Not a famous actor, not anybody of influence, and yet he was. I don’t understand why.

At his wake, people were asked to come up and say something about him, and it continued for hours! Comments about how kind he was. How generous, how he always went out of his way to help others out. How he bought people’s children gifts at Christmas after they’d been let go from the company or filled their fridge with groceries when sales had been incredibly low for a month. They spoke so highly of him and all I could think was, one day I want people to speak about me like that.

He’ll obviously never know his impact, but he taught me that kindness is imperviable. People may not remember your name, or the things you did, but they will always remember the way you made them feel.

My Best Friend

My bestie speaks three languages fluently, even moving to Asia to learn one in its entirety, working as an English teacher to pay her education expenses, and is currently learning 2 more. She spent 13 years in Asia as a single Caucasian woman, has made it through her adult life almost completely independently and owns two properties. Plus, she’s a damn good Domme.

But her most admirable trait is she is so humble and lives so simply. She never takes more than she needs, gives back more than she gets and understands that life can be hard, but it doesn’t mean you have to be.

Day 7

What part of yourself or your independence has been the hardest to surrender?

I don’t want this to come across the wrong way, but I have surrendered a lot for mine and Mister K’s relationship and dynamic. I learned young to be utterly independent, and still to this day have a difficult time asking for help, relying on others, or placing myself in their hands. Some things were easier than others. Many times, it forced me to analyze why I was holding onto something. Was it emotional? A way to harbor control? What was I getting from it? But after all these years and all those questions, these three areas are still the hardest for me to surrender.

Financial Independence

At the beginning of our D/s dynamic, I still worked and actually made more than Mister K, but when I came home to be a full-time submissive and homeschool mom, I gave up my salary. We had placed ourselves in a position where we didn’t need the second income and had planned that I would become Mister K’s dependent, but it still bothered (this looks past tense, but it creeps up sometimes) me to rely completely on Mister K for my day-to-day expenses.

I make enough each month with various projects that I have a spending allowance of my own, which eases my insecurities around asking for money or financially depending on another person, but sometimes I get really anxious about the what-ifs. What is he loses his job? What if we decide this- our marriage or dynamic- isn’t working anymore (which is silly, but an honest question also? People change all the time)?

I know he’ll take care of me and ensure my needs are met, but this is one part of our dynamic that I still struggle with, even though it’s been years now.

Parenting

This isn’t really a dynamic thing, but it is as well. Being submissive to someone 24/7 (if there is such a thing), takes the right mindset, and sometimes when parenting (okay most of the time), I forget my place in our dynamic.

I believe this is for three reasons:

I spend a lot of my day as a parent

On average, I spend 23.5 hours per day inside my home with another household member. It’s difficult to turn “mom” brain off and become “submissive.”

Generation Gap

Mister K and I come from different Generations. We were taught how to do things differently, and that includes parenting. Mister K is more authoritarian, and I am more nurturing. But He will put up with nonsense, where I don’t have a lot of patience for it.

I don’t always agree with the things he says and does as a parent, and while I understand you can only use what you know, I also think that when you know better, you do better. Sometimes I feel like I have to defend my children and I come across as snarky and less than submissive.

I used to be a single Mom

There was a time when it was just me and my oldest and I had a specific idea about how I wanted to raise him. When Mister K and I had our second, those ideas didn’t change, but of course, coming from a different background and generation, Mister K does and did things differently. Even before D/s, co-parenting was a tough part of our relationship to navigate.

Last Name

This one is really silly, because my maiden name is the name of the man my mom was married to when I was born, and as I recently found out, isn’t my last name at all. But it is the name on my diploma, my degree, and many other accomplishments in my life.

I still haven’t legally changed it, although Mister K would like me to. I feel honored that he wants me to take his last name and publicly show that sense of belonging to him, but he didn’t achieve all the things I did, and it bothers me to give them away so freely.

Day 8

Do you consider yourself proactive, reactive, or a blend of the two?

I try to be proactive; I really do. As I’ve said before, I believe in being prepared for any eventuality. But sometimes even the best laid plans fall through.

I’ve never been more reactive than I am with my kids. As they grow and change, they throw things at me I never could have foreseen, and so I am forced to react, hopefully in the most proactive way possible.

With Mister K, I also try to be proactive and think about how he will react to situations or requests. Over the years, I’ve learned what he enjoys and dislikes and that aides me in being proactive with him, but I can’t say I’m always successful. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and hope for the best.

Perhaps that’s what being reactive really is, not anticipating the ups and downs, but riding through them gracefully.

See you for Day 9!

Header image for Days 6-8 posted originally on A walk in the woods.