Voyeur Voyage

Voyeur Voyage

Development

I don’t know when it was, the first time I saw people having sex. I was young but old enough to know what sex was. Probably 12 or just turned 13. But I remember having a sleepover at a friend’s house. We had stayed up later than her parents would permit, pretending to be older than we were. Of course, I had heard sex before, I do have parents (foster and otherwise), and don’t always sleep well during the night, but this was the first time I was watching it.

I remember staring, mesmerised as the woman’s breasts bounced when she walked, swayed as she was thrust into, hard and deep. My face mimicking her expression of bliss as she climbed a peak only she could see. The sounds he created were pure animalistic urge, repeated in a rhythm matched by his gyrating hips. I remember being entranced by the scene unfolding before me, wanting to know the joys of what they were experiencing. I was so hypnotized by the plot that my friend fell asleep and I didn’t notice, I just continued to watch, until the very end. This event would take place shortly before I masturbated for the first time. The images that the film held were like a tiny key, releasing a beast from a cage.

This was cinema sex, so not a lot more was shown than the standard boobs and ass. It was still too early in the evolution of body positivity for penises to be shown, heaven forbid. Vulvas were also hidden, just the hint of their outline exposed to the naked eye. A tease. The owners of these forbidden parts toned and tanned, perfection oozing out of every pore.

Nurturing

It was years later when I watched porn for the first time. My boyfriend had requested I watch a video with him. We had been sexually active for a couple of years already and had experimented with quite a bit for our respective 16 and 18 years.  At first, I was shy about it, remembering that first movie and how I and my body had reacted. How that moment had turned me into a chaser of climaxes and performer of depraved acts. I already knew that I was unlike other girls by this point. Needing something that I didn’t yet have a name for.

The movie started and at first, I was laughing and joking about the 70’s disco music, the lame outfits and bad acting. He shushed me and said the people who do this aren’t in it because they’re good at acting, just fucking. What a statement that was (and also false)…

That quieted me enough that I became engrossed with the action playing out before me. I don’t remember the exact details of the video. Time changes many things and maybe what I remember isn’t accurate but this video showed everything my previous voyage into voyeurhood didn’t. For the first time, I was seeing a penis, fingers, and dildos penetrate a vagina and anus. I watched as pleasure was taken and given, exchanged like currency in an open market. Of course, I had witnessed these acts on my own body, but seeing them performed by others was a new and different experience. And very exciting!

I became entranced with the way the female body responded to penetration of many kinds. How the man’s form looked different from my experiences. I was given the view of new angles as he pushed himself into her from behind, his testicles swaying, his ass clenching with each thrust. The camera’s eye gave me a view into something that I had never seen but knew immediately I would want to see again. I moved closer to the screen, wanting to take it all in. My mouth ran dry and my eyes became wide as I absorbed the new kink forming in me. Watching others perform sexual acts turned me on and no amount of denying it would shake that from my newly formed acceptance.

 To this day I can’t remember the video title or the events that took place therein, but I remember that following that video, I had the best orgasm of my life, up to that date.

Participating

Four years later I was introduced to voyeurism first hand. The guy I was dating (I use that term…ummm.. loosely) had joined me at my friend’s house for dinner. Dinner turned into a poker game and drinks then a movie (apparently I have something for movies as well…). Everything started like a typical “vanilla” movie night, but then my friend laid down on her couch, just stretching her legs. My date was sitting on the opposite end. I was seated beside him in an armchair. The change in position was very innocent.

As she stretched out her feet brushed against his leg. I saw her move, saw him look down, but was preoccupied. The movie had come to a part where the action was intense and my focus was on the screen. The climactic moment passed and I looked over with this look of “DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?” and then I noticed they weren’t watching the movie. He had one hand on her calf, massaging lightly, the other was on the opposite thigh, slowly moving up towards her center.

She noticed that they had caught my attention and raised her eyebrows at me. The question in that expression obvious. I nodded my head the slightest amount and shifted my position. He looked at me then. His eyes hooded, his gaze hot and sultry. I could see the performance he had envisioned dance across his face, his arousal evident. I shrugged at him and removed my sweater. It was suddenly very hot in there.

I did not join them as their bodies joined with their tongues tangled, limbs entwined. I took my own pleasure as I watched them take and reciprocate theirs. Their bodies became slick with sweat created by exertion. They’re groping hands giving an ocular pleasure not witnessed in porn. The authenticity of their erotic moment more than any film could capture.

The audial symphony would have probably been enough to fill my memory bank with future fantasies, but seeing their unbridled lust without a script or the rehearsal was like removing sunglasses while looking at the sun. The difference is blinding, stark and nothing in comparison.

Tables Turned

It didn’t occur to me until many years later that there would be another side to “I like to watch people have sex.” Mister K and I weren’t yet married but well on our journey into D/s. Given the rare opportunity to have a Sunday afternoon without children, we took the chance and drove to a secluded area we use to frequent in the past.

The afternoon was warm and I had already been divested of my clothes. The isolation of the area allowing for freedom from inhibitions. Mister K is fond of rope and was leading me down a path. He stopped at a tree, the tallest in the area, and after securing me tightly, continued to have his wicked way.

I was in the throes of ecstasy. That point where you could climax and it would be glorious, but if you wait just a bit longer, it will be life-shattering. I was holding back, looking down at Mister K, watching his tongue and fingers play me like a well-tuned instrument when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. A man and a woman stepped out from behind a bush, not seeing us yet, but they would at any second. I whispered to Mister K, “We have company”, thinking he would stop, but instead he grabbed my hips and pulled me tighter against him.

I was struggling against his grip, but of course, being tied to the tree, it was futile. My orgasm was coming and I knew I would reach a point where I couldn’t hold back, but I was doing my best. I wanted to close my eyes tight to help in my fight against it but was worried I couldn’t watch the couple at the same time.

The couple was almost past us, and I was counting my blessings when the man suddenly stopped walking and looked directly at me. You could see him take in the scene, the rope, the naked woman, a man kneeling at her feet, his face buried in her exposed flesh. His eyes got wide and then he made eye contact with me, taking a step back and adjusting himself inside his pants and I couldn’t hold back. Knowing we had been caught and that someone was watching, and enjoying it pushed me over the edge.

The moan I released as my body convulsed alerted the man’s female counterpart that something was awry. Once she found the source of the sound I knew she was not enjoying what she was seeing. She smacked the man’s shoulder and grabbed his arm, pulling him away, her face scrunched up like she had been sucking on a lemon. He turned back more than once to see the last remains of his happenchance.

New Awareness

While the man enjoyed coming across a couple in the throes of passion, the woman looked almost repulsed by it and that taught me something about the boundaries of voyeurism. And a lot about consent. Consent is a two-way street, especially with exhibitionism and voyeurism. There are laws in place for that reason. Just because you like to watch, doesn’t mean all will like to see. Now that I attend conventions and go to lifestyle parties I have witnessed all types of erotic scenes. I still enjoy it very much but have learned to avert my eyes unless the people are explicit in their desire to be watched.

At that moment I also realized that I like being watched as much as I like watching, although I’m unsure of the parameters around that. The thought of performing sexual acts in public gives me a tinge of anxiety and therefore I have never done it, on purpose. It is something that Mister K and I have spoken of but have not decided. Being in that moment and feeling the excitement of that man as he looked on is a feeling I will never forget though. For a moment it was as if nothing else existed, just the scene I was in, the man’s powerful, magnetic gaze and a feeling of pure lust.

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