Obedience – There’s an App for That

This post is an unsponsored product review of Obedience:BDSM habit tracker app for couples.

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Whether you’re new to the BDSM scene or a life-long participant, you’ll know that creating habits can be difficult. It takes 21 consecutive days for a routine or practice to become habitual, and more than 40 consecutive days for it to stick for the long haul. If all D/s relationships waited that long for an outcome, it would get tiring and soon.

Even knowing this, Mister K and I have had moments where I’ve found he wasn’t following through with punishments or rewards. Therefore I stopped doing tasks because I felt he didn’t care. When I stopped doing the tasks, Mister K felt the same and stopped pushing me to complete tasks and routines. It became a circle that made each of us feel like we weren’t getting what we needed out of the dynamic, and ultimately this created a breakdown in communication. Not a good way to get into the D/s groove.

I now know that he doesn’t mean to forget, but that’s how life goes sometimes. People get busy, things get pushed aside, and consequently, feelings get hurt. After a time of this disconnect, we finally talked about it and decided something needed to be done. To maintain consistency, we debated sticker sheets, which didn’t sit well with the mid 30’s aged woman I am. We tried calendars, preplanned messages as reminders, etc., but nothing really stuck. Mostly because it was put away and then not pulled out again until there was an issue. Upon looking for a way to get around this bane in our relationship I came across Obedience.

What is obedience?

Obedience is an app for your cell phone that takes care of keeping track of tasks and habits for you. It can be linked between partners (more than 1 Dominant and submissive settings available), across operating systems (iPhone to android, etc.), and personalised to your preferences. It’s been life-changing for me and Mister K by allowing us to have all of our D/s related things in one place.

There are 4 sections (pages) which include Habits (tasks), Rewards, Punishments, and Notes. Each area can be customized (colour theme only customizable in paid version) to your dynamic’s preferences. Up to 7 habits can be tracked at a time (unlimited in paid version) and it keeps everything you need to have a successful D/s dynamic, right at your fingertips. The only thing you need to do is complete your tasks and mark them each day. The app will do the rest.

Habits

In the habit area, you set your daily, weekly, or monthly tasks. Giving each a point system, it is decided how many points are gained for completing a task as well as how many are deducted for not completing it. For each habit, you can easily set how many times per day/week each habit must be completed, as well as decide how the point system will work (ie: 2 points for doing a task one time, 10 for doing it 3 times). Also, you can give the time frame that the habit is to be completed.

The Dominant can then decide if the submissive has earned more points, or if they’ve cheated (or blatantly disobeyed) can easily add or subtract at their discretion. Of course, the submissive cannot change any of this after the day has ended. They can however ask their Dominant nicely or do favours for points. Just a suggestion 😉

Rewards

The reward section lists all your available rewards, as well as how many points are needed to purchase each reward. Once the reward has been purchased, the points are automatically removed from the point pool. As a bonus, it allows you to have rewards for specific tasks, so you can’t use all your points in one go.

By clicking on each reward, you’ll be given a detailed list of how the rewards are received and what tasks need to be completed for the total to increase. Here you also have the ability to claim more points for completing the habits numerous times per day.

Each reward slot will also show the total amount of times a submissive has purchased that particular reward, giving the Dominant an idea of what their motivation is. This area can easily be edited by the Dominant as needed, but again, the submissive cannot alter any part of this system.

Punishments

This section gives you in the ability to see what punishments are due and what the transgression was.  Punishments can be easily changed (by the Dominant only) and also show the total number of times each punishment has been given. I like this because it shows plainly where there is room for improvement in our dynamic, as well as what is working nicely.

Just like the reward section, each punishment has a detailed breakdown of what institutes a punishment and how many times that particular punishment has been dished out. Again, this can be edited by the Dominant only but will show the submissive clearly where they need to improve.

You can also choose not to have punishments and instead use a deduction of points. For those dynamics that punishments don’t work, or for subs that don’t take negative reinforcement well, this can be a great solution.

Notes

The area is labeled notes, but includes 4 separate sections: Rules, Limits, Ideas, and Other, allowing both parties to see what the expectations are for each partner. Rules and Limits are self-explanatory. These areas can be edited by both partners, which allows for changes as the dynamic shows signs of progress. Limit and rules can change often, so it’s great to have them listed on the app for easy reference.

Ideas can obviously be used to keep track of things that either partner would like to try, topics to discuss, or concerns that have arisen. This also allows both to see that there is something to discuss, so it doesn’t feel like situations are coming out of nowhere.

In the other section, you can easily include a copy of your contract or written agreement, or use it as an extra note area. It’s truly up to you.

Chat

In the top right corner of the app, you’ll find a word bubble. This is the icon for the chat area. Obedience allows joined partners to have a secure area for communication. This is great for those with children, or use their phones at the workplace, etc. You can also send pictures (although they can’t be saved from here), texts, and keep all your BDSM chit-chat in one location. This prevents having to change between apps, going through pictures to hide images that are considered risqué, and keeps your D/s at the forefront of your mind. I like this feature for the discretionary ease.

Notifications

The free version does allow you the opportunity to receive notifications, allowing you to set which time of day you would like your reminder. This has been great for me as I also sometimes get busy. The notifications ensure that tasks and habits are not delayed or forgotten.

Once the submissive clicks on the plus sign, indicating they’ve completed their habit, the Dominant receives notification within seconds. Because Mister K will often add a task for the day, it helps that he can see whether or not I have time for it.

The app notification icon is a little heart which is nice as it is the same as many popular social media icons. Great for when you don’t want it to alert people outside of your dynamic that the notification is for something else. On the Pro (paid) version, you can have each habit sent via notification separately. On the free version, you get a notification about all tasks at once.

History

Obedience gives you a detailed history under the setting tab. It will show how you’ve progressed over the weeks/months with a detailed breakdown as well as a chart. Mister K and I review our contract every 3 months, so having all this info as written history, as well as in a chart format makes it easy to see where changes may need to be made. I love that it eliminates the guesswork and increases our awareness of how each of us is progressing.

Submissive Role

Even though the app takes the guesswork out of the tasks and consequences, it still up to the submissive to ensure they mark off the completed tasks. Even if a task is completed, this simple step makes the submissive accountable for their actions. It’s one thing to complete the task, another to mark it as complete. Not hitting the plus sign will mean no points. It will also affect the overall history and chart progression.

Dominant Role

The Dominant has the ultimate power here (but we already knew that). He/She can change the history of any section, delete and edit tasks or punishments and rewards, plus give extra points if desired. Because the app keeps track of punishment and rewards, the Dominants only job here is to follow through with the agreement.

As the the punishments are written out plainly, it takes the guesswork out of what punishments are due and makes both parties (or more if wanted) know what to expect.

Free Version vs. Paid (Pro version)

The free version is great. It gives you everything you need to be informed and accountable to your D/s dynamic. The paid version however gives you the ability to change permissions, edit the theme, send notifications per habit, and adds the option of a discrete mode.

Discrete mode allows the notifications to show as a single checkmark, and changes the app name to habits, instead of obedience. A nice alternative for those who may be concerned about those outside their dynamic seeing their notifications. Lastly, the paid version allows habits to be organized into categories. So, you could have A.M. Habits, Night-time habits, as well as extras, all lumped in their categories, so nothing is missed.

The paid version starts at $4.49(CAD) per month, but also has options for 3 or 6 months and even a year subscritpion. The developers have been very gracious and given us a 10% discount for the pro version. You can find that here or by clicking the image below.

There’s an App for That

5.56 Billion people worldwide use a cell phone. We now use a hand-held device for everything from making lists, doing photography, and planning our days. There is an app for everything. Why not for our relationships too?

Obedience has made Mister K and I both fully aware of where we are in our dynamic. The app has given us peace of mind that neither of us will forget to complete our part of our agreement and that makes our dynamic stronger, healthier, and more in line with our needs and desires. It seems like a no brainer to me.

If you are looking for a way to keep track of your dynamic, give Obedience a try. It may be just what you’re looking for.

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This post is not sponsored by Obedience. The discount was granted after a request by MrsK to highlight their product on Life of a Kinky Wife. No commissions will be made should you decide to buy the pro version (but I really think you should).

For more about MrsK’s D/s dynamic see Submissive Journal, or Let’s Talk About.