It’s been close to nine (maybe ten) months since I’ve written a personal post on this site. I’d say I was busy, and of course, I was, but I’ve also been procrastinating – a lot. You see, writing in this space had become a challenge. Not because I don’t enjoy the actual writing – I’ve maintained 112 weeks on Mmm Mondays, completed some product reviews, and wrote some delicious fiction. It’s clear I still enjoy the process of using my imagination as I’ve curated a new publication on Medium and completed a few photography projects.
So what was the issue?
My theme no longer seemed relevant to my life. In more places than one, it felt like I needed to search for new horizons..
I’m still kinky (duh!), and still a wife, but with the change in mine and Mister K’s relationship, from Dom and sub to man and wife, a chunk of this space (and our home life) changed, too. I’d dedicated this blog to my life as His submissive and no longer being in that role (or partaking in kink at all) made this space feel foreign. My imposter syndrome had never before made me feel so imposter-ish.
A Dawning Light on the Horizon
After a long period of being stuck in a funk, it dawned on me that I had fallen into the role of being a follower. Some may think that’s what submission is, but being submissive isn’t a role. It’s a lifestyle. It’s a part of who I am. And like all parts of life, it requires active work. With that, I realized it is up to me to nurture and grow my submission. Not a Dom’s. Certainly not my husband. I’ll actually be a better submissive for doing the work independently.
Submission is about surrender, not about following. Yes, as a submissive, I look for a person who has leadership traits, but that doesn’t mean I always have to follow. That’s how a power exchange works. When the power exchange ended in my relationship, I forgot to take back my power.
Expand Your Horizons
So, here’s the thing. It’s easy to get trapped inside your comfort zone. Things are nice there, comfortable. You know where everything is. That’s how I felt with my submission. I had given it freely to someone, and they had handed it back, but I wasn’t quite ready to take it yet. And I wasn’t sure what to do with it. It didn’t have a home.
Stepping outside of that safe-place is daunting. The outside world is scary. Introducing new people, places, and lessons into your comfort zone can make it feel uncomfortable, uncertain. But you have to do it. It’s how you grow. I know now I’ve spent too much time being stagnant.
Something New on the Horizon
Life of a Kinky Wife is a lifestyle blog, and yet I haven’t really focused on mine or any lifestyle in a long time. I’m unsure why I thought kink/sex/submission was the only thing I could write about here. There are plenty of aspects to my life. Marriage; parenting; my love of food; the list goes on.
There is also an arm-length long list of kink terms and a gazillion questions to be answered about how to navigate this world of debauchery. Questions I likely have many answers for. There may be other people who are wondering how to incorporate kink into their marriage, or how to open it up to outside parties. Or where to buy rope. I still have a ton of info to share, so I guess it’s time I did.
Broadening Horizons
As the creator of a blog and an equal member of a marriage, I’ll need to be the leader I was once known to be. It’s up to me to make MY blog whatever I want it, so here goes. This is my first step. My project, #365 days of submission will be returning. And I hope to complete an entire A-Z of kinky terms. Who knows what else will come. The sky is the limit.
I’ve also started speaking with other Dominants (yes, Mister K is aware), kinksters, and joined a few groups. Right now, I have no clue where any of that will go, but I hope to share that journey with you. Along with any tips, obstacles, and celebrations along the way.
It’s always Darkest before the Dawn
The future is unknown, which as you can imagine makes my anxiety raise through the roof. I don’t know what will happen with Mister K. My further exploration of the BDSM lifestyle, leaving my former partner behind while I move on, could forever change my marriage. It could end it, but I know that staying the way it is now will too.
So as long as I remain married (and I do hope it is as long as I stated in my vows), I will still be a wife (seems self-explanatory, no?) but my kinky, submissive side can no longer rely on someone else to lead me. I’ll be taking the reins from here.
I hope you guys will stay tuned while I navigate these New Horizons. Some paths currently seem unclear, but personal growth is a journey, not a destination. And traveling is half the fun.
Header image for New Horizons was taken last summer (or maybe the one before). More images from this shoot can be found here.
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