Domestic Service – Where’s the Value?

Domestic Service –
Where’s the Value?

I’m not sure if domestic service is a kink for me, or if it just seems to fit inside my thoughts of what a “good” submissive looks like. Maybe it’s very 1950’s of me to think this way, but I believe that as a submissive, who doesn’t work, it is my duty to take care of the home and children. If Mister K goes to work each day to provide for myself and our kids, it’s really just my end of the bargain.

Sometimes we add role-play to the domestic duties of the home. I’ll get to wear a tiny French maid outfit or cook in nothing but an apron. Somedays I’m to dust the entire home nude and wearing a pair of six-inch stilettos. These events are always spontaneous, which I think adds to the fun of it. Many a great scene has come from a simple, “you should do that in heels.”

I do love to take care of Mister K. I enjoy getting his coffee, making sure his laundry is done and tidying up after him. I enjoy trying (I say try because I’m still working on this) to anticipate his needs. I enjoy preparing his meals and keeping our home in order. I enjoy knowing that he’s pleased with me when I complete these tasks. But it wasn’t always this way.

When Mister K and I first started exploring D/s, I was still a career woman. I held a highly stressful job that took me away from home for ten to twelve hours a day. At the end of those days, I would return, to two children who needed help with homework, a dinner that needed to be made and a Dominant that needed his submissive. The chores sometimes were pushed to the side, so that I could care for my other duties. Eventually, it became a lot to do, a lot to take in and chores became just that, chores. I felt like being the one with the higher stress load, that MIster K was taking advantage of me or worse, using my submission to be the one in charge. Not a good way to think. It does not help any dynamic at any time.

When I left my job to be home with my boys (we homeschool), the initial shift from boss to 24/7 submissive was difficult. I pushed back more than I would like to admit. I spent many days crying, thinking I was more than just a housewife and a plaything. I went from being the one in charge of tasks to the one being charged with tasks. My self-identity took a huge hit and there was actually a time I thought about telling Mister K that I didn’t want to be his or anyone else’s submissive anymore if that meant I was made for less than I thought I should be. I’m happy to say I didn’t.

As the new role became not easier, but familiar, I found that I just needed to find a way to fit this change into how I saw myself. After some soul searching a little talk with a friend, I was reminded that I was submissive and defining what that submission was to me, may be the secret to my happiness. So, I wrote a list of all the things I was willing to do to prove to myself and Mister K that I was the best submissive I could be. And on that list were all the chores that I had so often grumbled about. So the problem wasn’t the chores, after all, it was the mindset.

Changing my mindset took the most work. It’s easy to kneel at someone’s feet. It’s easy to make coffee to a certain specification, and it’s easy to act a part if that’s what you need to do. It’s hard to live in the mindset 24/7, it’s hard to set your priorities to another’s ideals, and it’s really hard to shift your self-identity.

It took many many months, but now I’m pleased to say that cleaning the home or doing the wash has just become another part of my submission. It’s included in who I am, and what my submission means to me. It makes me happy to see that Mister K is carefree when he comes home because he knows that all the little things are taken care of and he can just be a father, husband, and Dom.

If chores are not your thing, that’s fine too. I get that there’s nothing romantic about dishwater hands, or scrubbing toilets. I agree that men and women should be able to choose what brings value to them, and laundry may not be one of those things. But for me, the things I do each day for Mister K (and my children) makes me valuable, even if just to myself and them. And the things we do that add value to our lives are relevant and worthwhile. So the wash and the laundry and the other thousand mundane things I do each day may not define me, but they do hold significance. And for me, that’s enough.

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