Smutty Snapshots

I posted Looking through a Lens not long ago, a post about Photography for Food for thought. In that, I talked about how I don’t have a lot of pictures of myself from my vanilla life. I also spoke about how the pictures of me are the ones that my loved ones take when they see me in my natural environment. I find nothing natural about erotic photography. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, whatever gene it is that makes people look amazing in front of a screen, I do not have it.

While I feel more comfortable in erotic pictures (maybe because my face is hidden?), I would never go as far as to think I am content in front of a lens. I am confident in myself as a person, a mother, and wife. I know that I stand for what’s right and am fighting for the betterment of mankind each day. I recycle and pick up other people’s litter (please stop leaving it behind). I know that I can walk into any room and have an honest conversation, but when it comes to my body, that confidence disappears.

I’m not sure why I feel this way. I work-out regularly and know that I am attractive. Mister K would even say beautiful. I have been told by men and women that I am “good-looking” but when I look in the mirror I see something that others don’t. I wouldn’t say I have body dysmorphia, but the definition comes close. It’ something that I’ve been working at, but I wonder how many years you need to work at something before you know it’s a lost cause.

Blogging about sex and my life as a submissive has given me a new perspective on the topic though. I find that I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin (for lack of a better term) and that I am more accepting of my imperfections. I understand that every person is unique and celebrate our differences, even encourage others to be who they are 100%. But when I become the center of attention and know that others will be focused on me, I’m overwhelmed by body-image anxiety. In this, I know I am not alone, but it sometimes feels like a very barren path.

Mister K and I have opposing ideas on what is “sexy” and “erotic”. Maybe it’s a gender thing, but I think it’s more about what a picture says. If I was to compare our tastes, it would be a novel vs. a picture book. I like an image that tells a story, where he likes to see what can be seen. An interesting issue for a couple to experience after fifteen years. Life-long learners indeed.

The nice thing about a blog being mine, is I get to decide what goes on, and if I want it to stay. I get to choose what images of me people will see and it’s empowering to have that sort of control. I will admit that not all of the pictures I’ve posted have been flattering, but I have left them because I think about it as a lesson and the topic may have been less than flattering also.

I’ve enjoyed learning more about how to use my camera and posing, along with all the other parts of photography that people don’t tell you, and I hope it continues to be a positive experience. I’ve chosen my favorites to share with you. Some are even new. Click on one and scroll through. Enjoy!