Submission 365: Days 29-32

Days 29-32 of Submission 365 are daily prompts from The Submissive Guide’s book: 365 Days of Submission- A Journal of submissive self-discovery. All rights to the book belong to Luna Carruthers. Questions answered on this site are part of a personal project and hold no monetary value. Lifeofakinkywife.com is not affiliated with submissiveguide.com

Past Submission 365 Entries: Days 1-3, 4-5, 6-8, 9-11, 12-17, 18-24, 25-28

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This week has been unusually hectic and I’m sorry to say I’ve neglected my journal for a few days. Now that things have slowed, let’s get back at it.

Day 29

Does romance have a place in D/s relationships?

It’s my opinion that you as a person are either a romantic or not. So, if a partner believes in romance, then yes, it belongs in D/s relationships. A good, strong dynamic is a holistic experience, meaning it involves all parts of a person. Their hearts, heads, and hands.

Now, if you’re asking if D/s belongs in my dynamic, the answer is: sometimes?

I am a romantic at heart (you only have to read my erotica to see that), but Mister K isn’t. Not really. Perhaps it is that our ideas about what defines romance is different. All though I wouldn’t know for sure. I mean, we’ve spoken about what our kinks, boundaries and what love language works best for us. But I don’t think we-perhaps few if any do- have talked about what romance is to us.

To Mister K it could be opening the car door (which he does more now, almost 17 years later, than he ever did at the beginning of our dynamic). But to me, romance is planning, wooing, practically sweeping someone off their feet. It’s surprises and gestures. It is not something I often see in my dynamic or relationship.

I am the planner, the one who does big gestures, who will dress to impress, because I am the romantic of the two of us. DO I wish it was reciprocated? Absolutely. But it isn’t a part of Mister K’s genetic make-up, and I’ve long learned to accept that. He may not be romantic, but he is remarkable in his own way.

Day 30

What are you studying or reading right now that could improve your level of submission or service?

This question makes me feel a little called out. There was a time when I always had a book about relationships or BDSM or D/s or something on the go, but I must admit, I’ve let it slide. I still read a lot of fiction about BDSM or D/s and online articles (mostly from other bloggers), but actually studying something to improve my submission? It’s been a while.

That isn’t to say I don’t have a few on my TBR pile, like Conquer Me by Kacie Cunningham, or Submissive Training by Elizabeth Cramer. Although meaning to read isn’t active studying, is it? I could say I’m doing this journal project, but again, it isn’t a study so much as an exploration (perhaps with the same results?).

I suppose the reason I stopped reading everything I could find was because I found I was the only one reading. Meaning, I don’t mind reiterating the info to Mister K, but I think what is good for the goose is good for the Gander. And while I can’t expect him to have the same thirst to learn everything about, well everything, I think I’ve come to expect him to want to learn more, simply to be a better person/leader/husband. But that’s a little jaded and whole lot unrealistic, isn’t it? Afraid so.

That really isn’t an excuse to push important items to the side, though. Perhaps, I’ll open one of those books.

Day 31

Complete this sentence. I need to accept that…

People change. Their minds, their style, their preference. People’s bodies change too, mine included.

I once read a quote that said something about “if you understand that friends change, you’ll never have to change friends“, and there is a lot of truth in that. I only have a few people who I have kept in contact with since high school and not one of them is the same person they were then, but then again, neither am I. And that’s likely a good thing.

Mister K has also changed. Some ways are more suited to me, and others… aren’t. But I accept him for who he is, so no matter what change he has, I hope to not change what we have, at least fundamentally. Of course, I could always hope for more time, more energy, <Insert wants or wishes here>, but the parts that need to be there, are. So, why mess with a good thing?

I do, however need to accept that people will make changes that affect me directly. Some things are simply out of my control (you think I’d know that by now, if only as a submissive…)

Day 32

Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.— Robert Heinlein

I don’t think it’s just love that applies to this quote, as submission is very much like this too, but perhaps love and submission are one and the same for some submissives.

I know for myself I receive so much joy from knowing I’ve done something that makes Mister K’s life easier, or brings a smile to his face. When I hear those two little words “good girl”, I feel I’ll do whatever it takes to see that get that response again. And there was a time that I likely would have done anythign in the name of love. But the kink community quickly remedied that. With the concept of limits.

Submission has its limits. So does love. And if either/neither do, perhaps you may want to reassess whether the emotion you’re experiencing is real. We need limits to create boundaries. Between you and me and us. We also need them so we can tell others how we want to be treated.

Are Limits different in love than in submission? Maybe, but I bet many of them are the same. For me, that’s not putting my life at unnecessary risk, no permanent marks, no sharps, and the use of a safeword.

A safeword; another great thing the world could learn from the kink community. I’m sure there are plenty.

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See you on Day 33. Until then, don’t forget…

Generosity cannot exist without setting boundaries.

Brene Brown

(Proof that at least one person outside of the kink community knows the rules)

Header image for Days 29-32 originally posted on Pose for Me.

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