Submission 365: Days 55-61

Days 55-61 of Submission 365 are daily prompts from the Submissive Guide’s book: 365 Days of Submission-A Journey of Self-Discovery. All rights to the book beling to Luna Carruthers. Questionss answered here are part of a personal project and hold no monetary value. Lifeofakinkywife.com is not affiliated with submissiveguide.com

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Yes, we’re like 120 days (give or take), into 2022, and I’m nowhere close to that number on this project. Life is what happens what you’re busy making plans. Isn’t that what they say? I still want to complete this project about my submission, but I will admit it’s not a priority at this time. I’ll do it as I can, and hope you’ll stick with me in the in between.

So, what’s changed in the Life of MrsK since day 54?

I turned 40

– and the day was a total let down. Maybe, that’s on me for having expectations about my S.O. (or anyone really) making a milestone a ‘big day.’ And maybe not. Perhaps in all that communication over the years about our needs and wants, I should have mentioned I’d like my birthday to be important. As you know from this and this, it has been in the past. Maybe that’s selfish thinking? Regardless, there’s always next year.

My oldest moved out

– It’s good, then I’m not, then its good again, wash, rinse, and repeat. I know he’ll be fine because weren’t we all in the end? But I do worry about what may be thrown his way in this crazy world.

It’s weird having one less at home, because technically I have more time, but it seems I am more busy- perhaps doing all hose things I couldn’t do with two children in tow… Perhaps mine and Mister K’s D/s dynamic will recommence. Right now, not much has changed on the D/s front and it appears as though it will not, but who knows. Things can change quickly. Life feels harmonious currently (oops, probably should touch wood. Ahem!) so perhaps it’s best to leave it well enough alone.

I became an affiliate for Betty’s Toy Box

(and Naughty Betty’s!!!) – looking forward to doing some BDSM toy reviews. And giving you all a discount so you can fill your toy boxes too!

I’ve written numerous CHAPTERs

for the book I’ve been meaning to write, which means- I’m writing it! It’s official, I am now a writer of longer pieces of literature and may even be published at some time…

The greenhouse is up and erected

The last frost of the season almost upon us and gardening season begun. It’s been hectic this year as we’ve needed to move things, but it’s coming along nicely.

Now on to the show!

Day 55

Talk about something that scares you.

Fears are funny. Not funny, ha-ha, although some fears are laughable too. But the things that we fear are usually peculiar, odd, quirky even. To another, they seem trivial, and yet, fear can make us freeze or take flight at the smallest provocation.

Some things that should scare the pants right off me, don’t and others that are silly, do. For instance, I hate water. I can swim and know how to tread when I get tired. But I avoid boats (except in this case) and never explore the ocean or a lake/river past my hips. And the funny part? I know it’s not actually the water, I fear. I shower and bath and search for rocks rivers. It’s what’s under the water that frightens me, the unknown.

I guess that’s what most fears stem from though. The fear of what may happen.

But

I often fantasize about Consensual non-consent scenarios and am currently writing a psychological erotic thriller. But I know, in a situation as this, I would totally be out of my element, and would succumb to whatever quickly, and yet, the idea excites me, sexually and mentally.

Something I’m not prepared for and know could harm me irreparably is good, and something I am trained for and have practiced many times is bad.

But at least it’s never boring!

Day 56

Are some tasks easier when you are turned on?

One would think this, but no. Even aroused, talking dirty is a hard line for me to cross (not a limit, just awkward).

But I can say I will act in ways I normally won’t when aroused, and that’s the same thing, right?

Certainly, things like crawling, or begging, or having my face fucked are easier when aroused. They’re not really something I would think of was I not aroused. Not unless the idea is put in my head, which would be arousing, so I guess this is kind of’ like the chicken and egg theory. Which comes first?

I do know that with enough practice, some tasks become second nature, but by that pint they are no longer arousing and become part of a routine. For some that could be beneficial, but I think for myself it would lose its luster.

Day 57

What have you done today to honor yourself?

I’m not sure we need to honor ourselves every day. But certainly, as needed.

The last thing I did to honor myself was buy new plants (I have thirty-eight inside, and have I mentioned my garden?). I enjoy getting my hands dirty, and watching my work grow in real time. I probably spend more time on my plants than I do on most other things.

In the past few months, I’ve noticed that I have been more accepting of myself and the aging process. I realized that I was still comparing myself to a younger version of me and sometimes even others. To think I could be the same with 20 years’ experience and a lifetime is just ridiculous.

Perhaps that’s the best way to honor yourself. Simply to accept yourself you are now. Just be you. Don’t force anything that doesn’t fit. Don’t try to fit where you don’t belong. That’s it. Simple as that.

Day 58

What is your favorite rule?

Meeting Mister K at the door each day when he returns home from work is often the highlight of my day. Even now that we’re not engaging is D/s full time, I look forward to this moment, and our reunion. What is usually now, only a kiss on the cheek and a fresh coffee, when it first began, he had wanted me to ask if I could suck his cock. So, every once in a while, I still ask, just to remind him the option is still there 😊

There are some rules though that have become habit, like I mentioned earlier. Like eating well, getting exercise and one I didn’t notice until he pointed it out- no longer talking about myself negatively in his presence. And what started as in his presence has slowly transferred to my thoughts too.

Day 59

What makes you feel insecure? How do you handle insecurity in the context of your relationship? Outside of it? How does your Dominant handle it?

I just realised I no longer feel insecure in my relationship with Mister K. Like, at all. I no longer worry about what I look like with him, or if he sees something he doesn’t like. It no longer matters. After all our years together and exploring BDSM, I have become so comfortable with him that all the insecurities I may have once had are gone.

But that doesn’t mean that we as separate people don’t still have insecurities.

I will limit the amount of time I need to be in a situation that may make me feel insecure, even if it means rushing a photoshoot, or a speech (as examples) or not signing up for something even though I really want to attend. It’s not a healthy coping mechanism, but at 40, I think I’m old enough to decide where I spend my time and can (and should) certainly avoid things if they don’t serve me.

As for Mister K, I learned early that he often compares himself to others and basis his opinion of himself on that comparison. It’s taken many years of reassurance, but he’s come to be more accepting of himself and in return, accepting of others.

As a side note, a lot of insecurity has to do with age. So many insecurities that I had as a younger woman are no longer even remembered as I’ve gotten older. I’ve noticed this in Mister K too, but mostly in my children. Whether it is because we try things and they make us less afraid, or we realise our places in the world, aging either makes you care about them less, or realise how most of them are silly to begin with. Some though, I do know never fade, and that’s okay. There’s a place for them at the dinner table, just don’t let them be the main course.

Day 60

How open are you to others about the lifestyle choices you make? Have you told any of your family members? What were their responses?

Here I have the benefit of not having a lot of family. I also have an exceedingly small circle of friends, most of whom are in the lifestyle themselves or I have known for so long that they know I’m an odd one out and that’s why they love me. Life seems to be simpler when you only involve those that are meant to be there, so I don’t spend my time with people who will likely judge me.

I will talk to anyone about any kink related topic (sometimes I wish I wouldn’t), and often do. No topic is taboo, even if they become heated.

Mister K has told no one. But has let it slip that I have a sex blog and openly corrected someone about the symbolism of a collar. Baby steps, but it feels like leaps and bounds!

Day 61

What is your favorite physical manifestation of D/s?

I’m not sure I’m correct in my understanding of this question, so I’m just going to roll with it meaning what physical show of D/s is my favorite.

I’ve answered this before. Spanking for sure.

But before you get to a point where you are bent over someone’s lap, I have noticed that a hand around my throat will make me become needy. A growl in my direction will makes my knees turn week. Certain phrases will make “Yes, sir” slip between my lips without any cognizant thought of it. Now that D/s is not full time in my life, anything that can elicit that reaction from me, is my favorite.

I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but you can bet I will be.

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Header image for Days 55-61 was edited for this post.

The original looks like this:

Even though I usually don’t link my Submission 365 posts to a meme, I’ve linked this Submission 365 post to Mmm Mondays. I’m impatiently waiting for sunny days where clothing is optional and I can recreate scenes like the one portrayed here. They very much make me say Mmm.

For another version of this image, see Serenity.

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For more Mmm’s, lick the lips.