Submissive Spiritual Awakening

Submissive Spiritual Awakening

Religion is a difficult topic for me, but not because I don’t believe, but because I want to, but can’t. I understand the reasoning behind blind faith in an invisible force, but the part of me that needs something tactile blocks me from excepting, what seems to be a great gift. I say gift because I have found that people who are truly devoted to their God seem to be less worried about events and circumstances than others who do not have a faith. On the other side of that two-edged sword is the fiery death and pestilence that is so often regarded as God’s wrath, and labeled in the Book of Revelations. To me, that is not very forgiving or a good show of love, from an almighty God.

I have a set of tarot cards, but I use them only when we have Samhain parties (we could call it a Hallowe’en party, but they’re not really the same thing) and I get to play the neighbourhood fortune teller. I have a shell and sage bundle that was given to me by a first nation’s friend as a gift. But I smudge for the scent, not the spiritual cleansing.  I have various books of religion, from many different denominations and have read a few. Sorry, the ones in Hebrew, Greek and what I think is Arabic, are a little out of my league.  But I believe that these things work and have meaning, but only for others, not for me…

Mister K and I differ quite a bit on our beliefs around religion, but we both believe that there is something More than us. He believes there is a God. He considers himself to be a person of faith, but he does not believe that religion should be organized and inside a church or other building each Sunday.  God and the ability to speak with him/her does not happen inside a building. Why would we be given the Earth and the open sky if we were supposed to honour God indoors? I have to say I agree.

I believe in us, as in you and I. And the universe and the ability for the universe to give us signs if we are open enough to listen to them. I think that we are guided more than we know, and if we just slow down, we will receive answers to our questions. Maybe that is not divine intervention, but it’s divine none the less.

Over the centuries, many holy men, shamans, gurus, and various other persons of faith have used pain as a way to reach a deeper realization of self and sacrifice or to define purpose. Almost all religions practice a form of meditation, from actively meditating in a quiet place to using rosary beads. Most religions and spiritual practices talk about a complete surrender and a reverence for living in the moment.

This I understand. As a submissive, I often learn my best lessons about myself through pain. And I show sacrifice handing over my mind, body and to be honest, soul over to Mister K. By saying a daily mantra to keep me in a submissive mindset, I practice meditation, and when I am with Mister K and it is just the two of us, I know complete surrender. Maybe it’s a different type of spirituality than most, but our D/s relationship feels more spiritual than anything I have ever experienced at church.

Maybe I do have a blind faith in an invisible force, after all. I just needed to redefine it.

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