A Beginners Guide to Rope Play

The idea of being tied or tying someone for rope play can be very erotic and more than a little exciting. But also very daunting. Many wonder where to begin and then have questions about if they are doing it right and if the rope is tight enough. There are also those worries about what length of rope should be used, and what works best for this tie, or this knot? And then on the other side are questions like, what if the rope is too tight? And what do I do if I can’t untie the knots?

There are many answers to all the above questions, but the answers all start in the same place. Rope play, or rope bondage as it is also known, requires practice. It’s as simple as that.

Mister K and used to attend a regular rope night in our kink community. The host (B, I’ve written about my love for him before) was well versed in the terms and strategies of rope and all things knotty. His bunny (the rope bottom) also practiced self-suspension and together they had the answers to all the tough questions. I asked a lot of those.

I’m glad I did, as Mister K and I learned so much. In no time, we had couples coming to us, to ask those same questions. So, I’ll share with you the same things I shared with them. But again, I will remind you that all you need to do to become proficient with rope is practice.

Being Safe

The term sane, safe and consensual is the building block of BDSM and therefore should be where all play starts. No matter if you plan to do rope bondage once or one thousand times, safety should always be at the forefront of your mind. With that being said, there a few things you can do to ensure everyone’s safety, and the first is to ask questions and openly communicate.

If you have nerve issues in certain parts of the body, the rope top (Rigger) needs to know these. For myself, I have a sciatic nerve that is easily inflamed, so Mister K takes care to keep bulky knots and a lot of pressure from away my lower back. If you have carpal tunnel or tennis elbow, you’ll want to avoid placing the arms and hands in backward bending positions, even if they move there easily. If you have bad knees or hips, you’ll want to stay away from poses or ties that extend those areas more than you are usually comfortable with. Also, hypo-extending (bending a joint backward) should be avoided at all costs, even if that means changing your ties.

No matter if you’re doing a Texas handcuff, a single column, or an intricate hour-long tie with multiple ropes, you should ALWAYS have safety scissors on hand. Safety scissors have a flared end and dulled tips, so they won’t cut the rope bottom. But are also incredibly sharp, so they can cut through layers of rope. I purchased mine from a pharmacy for less than $15, and they are the style used in hospitals and first aid kits.

Other things that should be on hand are water for the rope bottom to drink, along with a straw (this keeps you from untying the bottom’s hands, hint hint) so that they can stay hydrated. A blanket for the floor (and for aftercare if it’s needed) and to keep the Bunny warm after the intensity of rope play. And finally, some sort of after-care snack. While not everyone needs aftercare, circulation is tampered with when you do rope bondage, and having something to munch on can increase your blood sugar levels and get things flowing again nicely. Fruit is a great healthy option.

Before you begin

Not all the onus is on the Rigger to keep everyone healthy and safe. The Bunnies have to take part in this as well to decrease their chance of injury. The first is to keep hydrated. Ensuring that you have your 8 glasses a day keeps the skin and muscles moist and plump and decreases the chance that you may experience a compressed nerve. It can also reduce the chance of cramping muscles from being held in awkward positions. And lastly, it’s great for keeping the mind clear and healthy.

Another beneficial activity that is quite simple but very important is to stretch before and after play. These don’t have to be elaborate stretches, but ensuring to stretch each part of the body, starting with the neck, can save you from painful kinks (not the sexy type) later on. Stretching also keeps your muscles warm and elongated, which is nice for more than just rope.

If you will be doing rope play regularly, I also recommend doing a regular core exercise routine. Your core muscles start just below your ribcage and extend to the mid-thigh and include your lower back and glutes (bum). It’s a large area that helps you sit, stand, bend, carry heavy objects and perform many other activities. Having a strong core is the best thing you can do for your health, in or out of the bedroom.

As a top, it is your job to check all the bottoms extremities regularly while they are in bondage. You’ll easily be able to tell if a rope is too tight because the limbs will become cold and turn blue then a more purple colour. If this happens, you are experiencing a medical emergency and all play should stop immediately. Do not untie the rope, cut it off! Yes, rope can be expensive, but your bottom’s life is priceless and cannot be replaced. I don’t say this to scare anyone, but it’s important to be risk aware in any kinky activity. Knowing all the facts ensures we make risk-aware decisions. And who knows, it could potentially save a life or a limb.

Keeping the Tension Just Right.

One of the biggest things that new Riggers and bunnies complain about is that the rope tension is not consistent. This does come with practice, but also with communication. Often when we’re concentrating on something like how to tie a flower knot, we forget that the rope can slacken if we don’t keep it pulled tight. This can create loose sections that don’t quite sit right, making the rope look wonky and messy. One of the main issues with this is that while some parts have no tension, others may have too much, which places unnecessary pressure on certain parts of the body. In extreme cases, this can cut off circulation and even cause permanent nerve damage. If you didn’t know this already, that is very very bad.

Mister K often got frustrated by this. He wanted the rope work to look good, but he also wanted it to do the job it was intended for. If it’s not holding the rope bottom in place or position, it’s not really bondage, is it? Of course, we do a lot of fashion rope for Life of a Kinky Wife, but the same rules apply. If the tension isn’t consistent, it isn’t going to look very good.

Asking B what could be done, he said practice and while doing that, make it a game. The rules are simple. Have your partner sit or stand in front of you and simply start tieing. The rope bunnies’ job is to let the Rigger know that they’ve got slack in the rope using an annoying sound. I chose a foghorn. It worked wonders.

Anytime Mister K would slacken the rope, I would emit this god-awful sound, and he knew he needed to tighten it up. After a few sessions, the noise was heard less and here we are 5 years later, and I haven’t had to give him a warning in a very long time. Something I think he’s thankful for. We don’t live by the sea, so a foghorn was a good choice, simply because you don’t hear it often. You could use a single word or some other noise that you may enjoy more. But the point is for it to be annoying, so you don’t overlook it.

Sometimes you’ll catch the loose sections after moving on or proceeding a knot in a new area. In these cases, you can use a short chopstick (knitting needles work well too) to tourniquet the loose area. I urge you to use caution if you go this route, too tight and you can create a myriad of risks. The nice thing about using a chopstick though is it can easily be pulled out of place, releasing the tension.

Learning the Ropes

The second most frustrating part for new Riggers is learning all the knots and terminology. It can be quite overwhelming to remember the difference between a single column, a double-column, a box knot, or a double coin. Again, it takes practice, but also the right tools.

Most people interested in rope play start with one length of rope, usually 8 meters (26ft, roughly). That’s a lot of rope to pull through for a single knot. It can easily become tangled and then it can become difficult to tell which end is supposed to be loose and which should be tied in. The solution to this is to use a shorter rope.

Many rope companies will have tester ropes for sale. They come in a package of 6-12 strands and are usually various colours. These are the perfect length for learning knots as they are generally only 30 cm (approx. 1 foot). If you don’t want to purchase specifically for this, you can buy any rope at your local hardware store and cut it down to your desired size. Although I do suggest using one that is flexible, as this will make your task easier. It’s not uncommon for Riggers to cut their rope to their specifications or for their partner’s size, so don’t feel bad for cutting it down.

Learning knots can be done anywhere. Mister K chooses to practice while watching t.v. or waiting for a call that is put on hold. It’s an excellent way to kill some time and learn a new skill.  Once you’ve practiced enough, they’ll come to you with ease.  If you’re worried about people wondering what you’re tying knots for, I’d like to remind you that not just kinksters use a rope. Many professions take advantage of knots and bindings, from sailors to engineers as well as rock climbers and outdoorsmen.

For more info about different styles of rope, check this out.

Tying in Loose Ends

Once you cut your rope, you need to decide how to stop the ends from fraying or unraveling. There are three options for this. The first is the simplest and consists of burning the edges until the fibers melt together. This works great for nylon rope but can create sharp edges, so watch for that. Also, nylon is extremely hot when melted and can burn the skin, so take care if you choose this route.

The second is to simply tie the end into an overhand knot. Once pulled tightly it will be quite secure and hold nicely. The only downfall I have found to this is it doesn’t look as nice as a whipped end and the knots can sometimes get caught if you’re pulling the rope through a tight space. It is great if you’re in a bind though (no pun intended).

Lastly, you have whipping the ends. This requires a bit of cut rope to be unwound and taking a single strand, wrapping it around the ends. Once secure, you tie it off, and voila, no more frays. I prefer this method for all my rope because it looks clean and sits flat, but also pulls through nicely. You can also use twine, or thread for whipping the ends too. Some even use a different colour to make it uniquely theirs. It’s all about personal preference.

If you’re a visual learner or would like to see how it’s done, check this out.

No uncertain Terms

There are a lot of terms used in rope bondage, but today we’ll stick with the basics. The first is a bight. This a simple folding over of the rope, to create a curve between the two loose ends of the rope. This will be the most talked-about term you’ll hear in almost any tutorial.

Next is a loop. This is self-explanatory but is the basic movement for almost all knots. You can make one simply by making a bight and crossing the ends over each other.

The third is a twist. Also self-explanatory, it is a double loop, so you have one on top and one on the bottom. These are easiest to make by holding the working end in one hand and twisting the wrist of the other.

Many rope tutorials will tell you to take your working end and pull it over, under, etc. The working end is the length of rope that is not tied in to anything. It is usually longer than the remainder of the rope and is the part that will be pulled through to complete intricate knots.

The standing end is the part that remains unchanged after you follow the steps. It is usually found at the top of your knots and ties and does not move through the remainder of the tie.

For more on terminology, check this out.

A few last-minute details

One thing I often see with people who are new to rope is their method to tie the knots. I have found the easiest way is to curve your finger behind where your next piece will be threaded into and to simply lay the working end in the groove created and pull it through. I have seen many try to push the rope through, but you just can’t push rope. It’s not firm enough and doing it this way causes no shortage of frustrations. Work with the rope as if it is an extension of you and it will make all the difference.

Rope also requires a bit of care, like most of our toys. Jute and hemp can be waxed or oiled regularly to keep them soft and supple. This will also ensure it keeps its longevity and gives you your money’s worth. Some will choose nylon rope to avoid having this extra work, but no matter what way you go, you’ll need to check your rope regularly for frays, snags, and portions that have become un-wound. For floor work, it may not matter too much if your rope snaps, but it would catastrophic if your bunny was suspended when it happened. Better safe than sorry.

Lastly, keep your dirty rope separate from your clean rope. Mister K and I keep a bag specifically for dirty rope (used for crotch ropes, gags, or anywhere else bodily fluids may contaminate it) and wash it once a month. Drying your rope takes a bit of work as well and requires you to lay it flat, stretching it out as you go.

For more on that, check this out.

The Final Tid-Bits

There you have it, a beginner’s guide to rope play. There are so many great Riggers out there that finding more info should be a breeze. Some of my favourite sites are:

Rope 365

The Duchy

Two Knotty Boys (not a site, but a book)

Rope Sensei

Rope Connections

Twisted Monk

Fetlife also offers a limitless supply of knowledge for riggers and bunnies alike. But you’ll need to be a member to access all that knowledge (and more). If you haven’t joined already, you’ll be happy you did.

If you’re unable to find what you’re looking for, please reach out. The kink community is the best resource you could have for getting your questions answered. Sometimes you just need to ask.

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For more posts from MrsK about rope, see Naughty Knots.