How I got here!

My journey started a lifetime ago. I’m not sure when my fascination with kink first took hold but I know I was reasonably young. I’ve always enjoyed being caressed and pet, having my body restrained and receiving praise after completing a difficult challenge. In high school I dated a guy two years my senior, and looking back at our exploits together, I’m sure he is a dominant today. If not, he missed his calling.

He would become my first sample of kink and BDSM. While he was most likely exploring his own fantasies and fetishes, he supplied me with just enough to notice that I was missing something. With him I learned to squirt, how to relax during anal and that I liked having someone else in control. At the time, I didn’t know what I was strongly becoming had a name.

Higher Education

It wasn’t until I read an erotic romance (that now I can’t even remember the name of, this was pre-50 Shades) that was largely D/s themed that found a name for what I had been searching for. My journey continued with reading every piece of BDSM and kink literature I could get my greedy little hands on. One day I awoke and just knew deep down that KINK is what I wanted. But I was still on the fence about submission. Being told what to do has never been one of my strong suits.

Although I knew that kink was for me and I wanted to be honest with myself and the world, I knew it wouldn’t be easily accepted. So, I hid it and questioned myself. I was embarrassed that I felt aroused by some of the degrading things I read. Doing what many young people do, I used those images and thoughts for masturbation or as a way to get off during vanilla sex.

Vanilla sex was always tedious for me. It was never quite fulfilling, and it definitely wasn’t something I fantasized about. I had many lovers, one-night stands and flings, to no avail. It just didn’t give me what I was looking for, largely because I was denying myself what it truly was I wanted.

A not so uncommon beginning

I met Mister K many years later. While I noticed a Dominant side to him, even in the early days, it would take me 10 years to disclose my deepest desires to him. We were at a place in our relationship where I was wondering if I could spend the rest of my life without what I really wanted. I thought about how I was starting to resent our relationship because I wasn’t living an authentic life.

Our sex life was lacking. Still passing for intimacy, but I was slowly becoming a starfish and Mister K, just a battering ram. Our connection was not what I thought it should be, especially after so many years together. While I dropped hints, looking back I realize I wasn’t really clear. Saying “I like it when you spank me during sex” is not the same as saying “I need you to spank me during sex”… Although I’ve learned that spanking is good at any time 🙂

When I first told Mister K, I thought it may be the end of us. He became distant and was often irritated with me. What did I expect, I had just turned our lives upside down. Our relationship became strange, distant, and awkward. For a week or two, I thought about running to him and begging him to forget I had said anything.

At first, he said he wasn’t interested in BDSM, or at least not like I was, and he was terrified of hurting me. It was wrong to treat his girlfriend like a slave, a dog or a whore, wasn’t it? He had seen videos of fuck machines, hoods, and welts that looked like tiger strips across overly skinny girls’ bodies. Was that what I wanted? He needed time to think about it. Always a man to make decisions with purpose.

Rising from the Ashes

At first, I was devastated. I thought that Mister K would reject me and that after all these years together we would end in going our separate ways. For myself that wasn’t an option. I knew that Mister K was the person I wanted to spend my life with. I even proposed finding a dominant outside of our relationship, but knew that I could never move on from Mister K. Sometimes you just know who owns you, heart, body, and soul 😊

The day came that Mister K wanted to discuss, and we sat across from each other and I sank my head as low as it could go. I just could not handle the look of disgust I thought I was going to see focused at me. When I finally managed to get the courage to look at him, he regarded me with eyes full of love and adoration and said, “What kind of man would I be to not try for you? If this is something you want, it’s a small thing to try.” I don’t remember how I replied, but I do remember the feeling and I was elated!!! Our relationship wasn’t “fixed”. Trumpets didn’t blast from the heavens, no angels sang, but I felt like a whole new woman.

All good things take time

We started slowly. Much too slow for my liking. I had all the experience of the millions of pages of literature and years of internet searches. All he had were the articles and tidbits of information I sent him here and there. For a while sending him information or reading books aloud helped me feel like we were living a true D/s lifestyle. As a avid researcher, I spent more time on studying and research than him, and therefore I felt I was more invested than he was.

Often I would share what I learned but noticed that he wasn’t doing his own research. Or not to the extent that I was. I began to feel that I was topping from the bottom inadvertently. It made me uncomfortable and I mentioned this to Mister K. He charged me with the task of finding him information and just like that, I was no longer topping from the bottom but completing a duty given to me by my Sir! This gave him the time to concentrate on what he was working on, and it gave me a task each day. When we came together at the end of our days, we had new things to learn together.

We grew to know each other’s bodies and Mister K learned that spanking his girlfriend during sex is hotter than he thought it would be. With each day our interests grew and so did our desire for each other. We’ve learned a great deal about ourselves and continue to do so.

I love a good impact scene and Mister K loves binding me to his will. We’ve discovered that D/s relationship works well for us and after what to me seemed like an eternity, Mister K would learn what kind of Dominant he wanted to become.

Dynamic Dynasties

Mister K is not a hard Dom, but he is also not easy. I have very few rules, but I am always expected to speak to him with respect and clarity. There are many traits that are intrinsically part of our dynamic and you’ll probably not see elsewhere. While some things will stay the same throughout most BDSM or D/s relationships, our dynamic is exactly that, ours.

This dynamic has taken time to build, but our relationship has grown and become a solid foundation and now nothing can shake us. Last year I went from being the submissive of Mister K to his submrs^TM. Marriage has its own set of difficulties and when adding kink to it, it can become tough to navigate at times. I would not change what we have become, but I do hope that we continue growing. While marriage isn’t for everyone, it is definitely for us!

After two years of being a stay at home mom, I finally decided that it was time for me to continue doing what I do best, learning and teaching. So here I am. Writing this blog and hopefully sharing with you all the information that I take in along the way!

Please reach out if there is something you want to know more about. I am an open book and love the lost art of conversation. If I can get a blog post out of it, even better. Knowledge that is not shared is of no use to anyone.