This Storm Shall Pass
I’ll be discussing many topics in this exposed post. Some of it may be rather tedious and serious, other parts not so much. But first I start with an apology. To you, my readers, followers, and fellow bloggers. Life of a Kinky Wife hasn’t been the fun, kinky display you’ve come to know from me in the past. While I’ve continued to contribute to my erotic fiction library, that’s not MY life, is it?
Regrettably, my life hasn’t been all that entertaining lately, or at least not in the way you and I would hope. My mental health has been taking a beating (I wish I could get a beating on some other parts…), and I’m unsure what the issue is, to be fully honest. I’m moody, on edge, and not quite myself and this has caused some friction between me and Mister K (and not the sexy kind). I have spent more time being punished in the last 3 months than ever in the previous 5 years. And lately, that seems to be the extent of my D/s dynamic. We’ve both been following our routines and completing designated tasks, but outside of that, there has been very little intimacy. When we are together it doesn’t feel as if anything has changed, but when I think about US, I feel the difference. Mister K says he’s noticed too yet offers no solutions.
What’s got me Down?
It could be the Covid conundrum or an accumulation of many things. Maybe it’s the season. I don’t know. Unfortunately, my usual energetic positivity has been flagging, and instead of weighing you down with my negative-Nancy outlook on life, I’ve just been sticking to the bare minimum. I hope that today is the day that ends.
Nothing has really changed, except my point of view and the realisation that my best life starts with me. So, no matter the outside influences, be it a pandemic, shocking revelations of my origins (more about this to come), or the endless rumination of 10 pounds gained, enough is enough. Even I’m tired of my less than joyful self, and I endeavor to do better. As we all know, this too shall pass but first, we have to stop wallowing in it!
Kinks, Truths and not Quite Lies
This week offers the opportunity to expose myself (maybe not in the way you or I am hoping), discuss some kinks, and also reveal some of my truths about how kink works in my sex (or lack of) life.
Before that though, I need to cover the important stuff.
Kinks vs. Fetish
Many wonder what the difference is between a kink and a fetish. I also wondered and asked this very question to a sex psychologist that I met at a kink convention a few years ago. She described it like this:
“A kink is something that turns you on, get’s your motor running, but isn’t necessary to achieve sexual or physical gratification. It’s nice to partake in, but it doesn’t define the scene or sexual engagement. A fetish, however, is a need. It drives the sexuality of a person and becomes a very specific requirement. Without it, sexual interactions are not adequate and leave the participants feeling unfulfilled. While kink is an umbrella term and can overlap with fetishes, a fetish is a deep-seated part of a personality. They work together but force us to perform life very differently.”
(obviously, I’m paraphrasing)
To give you a visual of what that looks like to me, D/s is a fetish. I need that unique practice to fully enjoy the interaction. Whereas, flogging is a kink. I enjoy it, it enhances the experience, but it isn’t a need. I can take it or leave it.
Knowing Ourselves
You may disagree, but personally, I think it’s important for us to know the difference. Not just so may be accepting of others, but to thoroughly know ourselves. Defining whether something is a need or a want lays a foundation for our kinky desires helping us determine our limits and boundaries. If you are unsure if your desires are a kink or a fetish, I recommend taking the time to write them out and label each in their order of importance. You might be surprised what you find.
Before divulging my deviant desires, it’s crucial to note that kinks are unique to each person’s experience(s). They are formed while we’re still young, although we may not know what they are at the time. Many will hide them away, never acting upon them, and others will help them blossom and become fully founded fetishes. There is no right or wrong, except when we make others feel shame for their desires. I encourage each of us to learn and embrace the phrase, Not My Kink, or NMK. What works for others may not work for you, but shaming others is harsh and insensitive, especially when most feel shame for their kinks already.
MrsK’s Kinks
I have many kinks that I don’t often talk about. Not necessarily because I think I will be shamed, although that fear is there and very real, but because I’m unsure how to explain them. Sometimes we don’t know that a kink is even there until we’re given a glimpse of it. The kinks included here are ones I know well, but don’t often discuss. Exposing this part of me is difficult as my thoughts haven’t been on the best train as of late, which has caused a lot of negative self-banter. I’m working on it. There’s also the chance they could cause some animosity to be directed my way. But as they say, the truth will set you free!
Being Exposed
Like many, I have a desire to be exposed, shown off, objectified. This blog is a good example of that. I thoroughly enjoy knowing that others are looking and find me arousing. I delight in displaying my body to wandering eyes, watching as licentious thoughts flow through the minds of my watchers and openly display on their faces. This kink alone is the beginning of many fantasies, where only a fast-paced session of masturbation will relieve the itch.
Previous occasions when I’ve been on public display have caused my thighs to become slick, my mouth dry, and my heart to race. I get a unique form of excitement in these moments, where I feel powerful, yet fragile and delicate. But there is a catch though. I need to be told when and what to do. Like so many submissive’s before me, having that sense of control removed, the ability to not have to take responsibility makes it that much better.
Frankly, I enjoy it so much that I badly want to start an Only Fans page, simply to live out this kink in all its glory. But it is simply not meant to be. Not only does my fear of revealing my vulva limit my enthusiasm, so does my relationship. Mister K doesn’t like to share, and so I guess that is that, although originally, it was his idea. I’m not quite sure what to make of that…
Kinks meet Every Day
The thought of being put on display pushes me to stay in shape, dress my best and present the finest version of myself. It also triggers me to be a bit of a perfectionist and overachiever, unfortunately. I have an extreme fear of being caught in a less than flattering state, which causes me no shortage of anxiety (and why 10 pounds can keep the cap tightly on my camera lens). Oddly enough, when I’m in a situation where I am on display, those thoughts simply flee from my mind. That alone is enough to attract me to being exposed.
My desire to be exposed to prying eyes expands into being used for a stranger’s pleasure and having Mister K watch, only to claim me again later. But maybe I’ll speak of that some more on another day.
Fixated on Food
I’m certainly not the only one who views food erotically. My first passion was the culinary arts (three years at the local college), so having it combine with my sexual kinks seems inevitable. But while most women muse about phallic-shaped foods; carrots, cucumbers, and ice cream cones, my kink transcends into other foods as well. Think of milk soaking a stripped body, streaming in rivulets between perky breasts and spread thighs. Or strawberries being dipped into a woman’s delicate nectar, sweetened with a honied glaze… I think you get the idea.
I have not acted on this desire or requested it from Mister K, not once to date, although he’s aware of my love of food. The idea makes me overly self-conscious, even for all our years together. That doesn’t stop me though, from imitating fellatio on a banana, or curving my fingers through the center of a halved orange in Mister K’s presence, much to his embarrassment and my obvious delight. Subliminal messaging on my part? Maybe.
I thought he would perhaps get the hint when we did the Easter photoshoot from above, but alas, no. For now, I’ll keep my love of food safely tucked away and stick to sex toys.
How it Began
Maybe this started as I watched Witches of Eastwick as a young girl? There is a scene of the three women being fed cherries that has stuck with me all these years (not the vomiting scene, emesis does nothing for me.) Or maybe it was later, in my adolescent years as I watched a young man make love to a warm apple-pie (one of the foods I fantasise about most. Think of pie being eaten out of well… pie).
Mister K believes my love of food formed in childhood when there were numerous days that I knew hunger. He suggested that having something to eat created such a great feeling of pleasure that it naturally became a kink. I’m not sure if he’s right, but there’s certainly a chance he is not wrong. I’m sure Freud would have a field day.
No matter what it was that spurred that particular fancy, I often think of food sexually and have the desire to create a scene based thoroughly on that. A bowl of fruit and some heavily whipped cream does more than make my mouth water and have me saying yum.
2 Girls, 1 Bed
I identify as straight but have labeled myself as bi-fluid. I think the correct term is bi-curious, but I’m not curious. Not at all. I’m quite the opposite, honestly. I fantasise about women for the most part, much more often than men. Even my sexually charged dreams usually depict a woman. It started when I was a teen and at the time, I thought it was because of my lack of experience with the opposite sex. But even as I grew older and my skill level went from amateur to skilled practitioner, my love for the fairer sex (or at least my lustful desires for them) never waned (although in the day-to-day, I find many women to be very catty).
As a younger woman, I was taken to bed by a few women, but our interactions were always clumsy at best. The first was my best friend, and although we both agreed and apparently wanted it, we never spoke of it or tried again. Second was my boss’ girlfriend, and she had all the moves. But when my boss wanted a piece for himself, she got her panties in a bunch and stormed out. Lastly was a random stranger after a night at the bar. She was lovely, but had drunk way too much and passed out, her tongue still rasping against my ear.
Never one to be a Quitter
Even with all those prior events ending in tragedy (or comedy? I never can tell), the thought still clouds my eyes and dampens my panties. High on my bucket list of things to experience now that I’m a self-professed kinkster, it’s another of those things I may have to place on the back burner. There have been plenty of offers from Domme’s that I have been a service submissive to, but being married stays me from accepting. The sharing aspect and all that.
I’ve mentioned to Mister K numerous times that I’d like to try again, but I think he feels left out? I suggested a threesome, but he responded that it seemed like too much work. I’m not sure what to think of that either.
What role does Kink or Fantasy play in my sex life?
There hasn’t recently been much of a sex life to speak of here. Being in D/s dynamic, obviously kink plays a large part of it. These kinks however have not come into play. Mister K needs time to process change and although we’re almost 6 years into our journey, new kinks can be a bit intimidating. Thankfully, I’ve learned to think before I speak, and that stops me from spitting out one of these fantasies unintentionally. But of course, I know that eventually, should I never release them from their to-do pile, I will start to resent it all.
I guess this post is a good start in discussing my kinky desires or at least getting them out in the open, giving them some time to air out. Maybe it will even spur the much-needed ignition in our sex life? Or create more punishment due to lying by omission (although, I don’t think those are quite lies)….
Since all dynamics and relationships take two to make them work, when I do finally discuss them (certainly one at a time to prevent a coronary infarction), the ball will again be in Mister K’s court. Right where I like it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a hankering for pie!
For more about me see, About MrsK.
I think his mmmmondays meme is one of the most suggestive on the web right now.
Thank you for sharing such beautiful images with the network.
I hope to dare to share my own images, soon.
Strong post. Suggestive.
There’s so much to comment on—I’m going to limit myself to the images you share. (Would love to talk about threesomes, relationship issues etc, but…)
I love your images! You have a beautiful body. Not sure why you are reluctant to share your vulva, but you need to be comfortable with what you post. As a reader, I’m in for the ride. I enjoy what you share. I hope that you work out this bump with Mr K soon. I don’t like to see my friend’s going through rough times. ( yes, I consider you a friend—weird how this blogging thing works!).
Fantastic read, you have really clarified the difference between kink and fetish so well. Your image is beautiful too, it’s lovely to see you exposed in all ways.
Thank-you Gem. I’m glad to be able to participate 🙂
Wow you have included so much here and your honesty and vulnerability is evident. It is hard when our kinks don’t align. We have found that slowly over time we have found ways to allow them to converge a bit but it is always a work in progress. Using fantasy and narrative has allowed us to explore things in a safe way initially and has allowed progression. I hope that you continue to share, with us and with Mr K and that this allows you to come closer to some of the things that make you tick. I think we are all feeling a bit on the back burner at the moment so can relate to that part. I hope that things pick up for you too. missy x
Thank you Missy. While writing this, I did think of you and HL (that sounds worse than it is. Lol) and wondered how you’ve gotten around some of your desires. You guys compliment each other so well and that only comes with a lot of hard work and the desire to make it work.
Seeing that you’ve found a way to compromise really does help. ☺ and gives me hope that we just need to keep on working at it!
Wow! As everyone else has pointed out, this was impressive. And I really appreciate the vulnerability that is evident in this piece. You’ve covered a lot of ground here.
I’ve been learning a bit about how kinks and fetishes are built when we are young, and it’s got me thinking about some of the roots of my own. Interesting topic.
I also notice some similarities between myself and Mr. K based on your brief descriptions…I can see that the differences in your desires causes some stress. We are dealing with this currently, though not in a stressful way. I wrote about the differences for the prompt, too. I think it’s important, as you say, for all of us to have a good understanding of our desires, kinks, and fetishes, so that we can communicate them to others and not feel shame. But it does seem like you’ve opened up to Mr. K about it. He may feel vulnerable or anxious to do the same?
I think all of us are feeling a bit darker these days…and as the spring comes round, hopefully we will find ways to be positive and inspired. It may help with our kinky lives, too.
Thanks you Brigit.
I think you are right about his desires to speak about his kinks. His religious upbringing has stiffled his openness at times. I think (even after 6 years) he’s still coming to terms with his desires and also mine. He worries he won’t be enough, and I can see that limiting a persons MOJO a bit.
I do hope that you and your Mister find a common place for your kinks. But from what I’ve read, you’re on the right track!
Even in the best relationships, that can be tricky.
I’m amazed at the number of memes you fitted in here, MrsK. Just wow! Sorry things have not been so bright lately, and I do hope you bounce back especially now the days will get longer again 🙂
~ Marie xox
PS: I am a bit jealous of that pumpkin pie!
Oh, thanks Marie! I originally had 7 but though WW needed it’s own page 😉
The pie was absolutely amazing 😀
Yes, make me jealous… I now NEED pumpkin pie! 😉
MrsK, I can’t tell you how much I love this post.
Firstly, thank you for being so honest. It is hard when things are off track, and I hope getting your thoughts out has been a helpful exercise. The thoughts you shared on kink vs fetish, I read with great interest. I’m pleased to see they line up with mine! And if we have that in common perhaps this will help?
“It also triggers me to be a bit of a perfectionist and overachiever, unfortunately.” Have you tried reframing the perfectionist part to say (as I do) “strive for excellence” That simple switch has helped me in my recovery (? Ha!) when I can catch myself falling into that cycle of fear of missing perfection.
My last thought, before I take over your blog post, is to consider MisterK’s role within a scene with you. How much time, energy and effort does he put into making it work for you both? Then add in a second woman who he will want to make it good for (because, from what you’ve said of him that’s what he would want to do) Maybe that is why it feels like a lot of work. Perhaps he’s a perfectionist too, when it comes to your pleasure at least. I know Sir feels responsible for our first MFF not going to plan (I got bored- noone could have predicted that) and we are both group sex people.
Just some thoughts. Sorry for hijacking the comments section 🤦♀️
Hi BF! Thanks for your wonderful comments 🙂
I love the idea of changing the mindset from perfection to strive for excellence and I think I’ll give it a go. You don’t know unless you try.
As for the “too much work” thoughts. You may very well be right. I know Mister K doesn’t “plan” for scenes very often, preferring to go with the flow. So that very well could be the deciding factor for a threesome exploration. Now that I think of it as not wanting to let anyone down, it does make me feel better (and perhaps love him just a little bit more, like that was possible). Boredom doesn’t belong in scene, does it? ( I can see that putting a damper on the experience greatly)
Very much appreciate your insights!
X
I’m glad I didn’t overstep with my thoughts. (Nervous Nellie saves the day!)
Boredom isn’t quite right, no😉A lack of communication on my part (not wanting to disappoint them) and a new situation not quite working (cuckqueaning) When you play with boundaries youre bound to hit them sometimes. It’s a situation he is very keen to rectify! Well, we both are. X
I hope it becomes an amazing experience for both of you 😉
Hey Mrs K – First congrats for managing to fit this post perfectly into 6 memes and get all the badges lined perfectly! Thats the over achiever bit lol
Your kinks are all on my radar – and I agree with Feve’s definition of the fetish thing. Until I got together with my man – when i fantasized to masturbate it was always about women. But I have only had one foray into playing out my bi-curiousness – and it was fumblings when very young with another young girl.
I adore food and basically would be happy to include it alongside any activity in life lol.
Wondering if Mr K reads your blog? That would start a conversation between u as I obviously you will have to have one. I am also wondering if perhaps it is an insecurity which makes him resist a threesome and such like? I say this as I fantasize about having a threesome but know I am way too insecure for that to happen – at least at the moment. Whereas even tho my man does not push for it – I know he would be up for it.
One last thing, I know you have a lot to cope with personally at the moment… Don’t be too hard on yourself. If I can help at all – even to chat – then shout
Take care xx
HAHA! Being an overachiever does have it’s advantages. lol
I know I can always reach out to you May, sometimes I’m simply unsure what to say 🙂 I do appreciate all your time though, whether personal or business!
Feve definitely has a way of stating things that makes them seem so simple. I enjoy conversing with her very much.
TBH, I have no idea whether Mister K reads my blog or not. That topic has caused some tension between us in the past and I let it go. He doesn’t like to read, and I love to write. It is what it is…
We will talk about all these topics in good time, but like I said, he needs time to adjust. As for the insecurity suggestion, I think you’ve hit the nail right on the head. I’m unsure how to help in that regard though, as there isn’t much more I can do to show my devotion to him….
Somethings are simply not meant to be. But they make for great imaginings 🙂
as for your insecurities, I offer no advice, but I do think we are harder on ourselves than anyone else ever could be. Sometimes we are the cause of the problem, unfortunately 🙁
I hope you feel better soon. It has been such a hard year. I really enjoyed reading your words and I hope you enjoyed your pie. The origins of fetish and kink fascinate me. I am sure my own fetish for spanking comes from a need to turn something I found horrific into something pleasurable. It feels like sweet revenge!
The pie was delicious 😋 thank you
I’m really fascinated my kinks and fetishes too. I love knowing what makes people tick 😀
Your insight on spankings made me laugh. I’m sure there is quie a lot of truth to it. And I do like the idea of sweet revenge!
I’m glad the pie was good and I’m even more pleased that I made you laugh!
There’s quite a lot here and much of what you’ve written has sparked my thoughts on various topics, so hopefully this comment won’t be too long, but I make no promises. *laugh*
First, I think there is probably some truth to the idea that having experienced the lack of food in your young life heightens its desirability — enough to be a kink, I don’t exactly know, but as much as I distrust psychology, it does make a certain sort of sense.
Following on from that, and using food as as an example, my take on kink/fetish is a bit different than what your sex psych expert said. I’m not arguing it as incorrect — it’s really all a matter of interpretation — but this is how it works in my mind:
A “kink” can be any kind of thing that provides out-of-the-box delight in an erotic way. It can be anything, because what is no-hum for one person is ‘out there’ for another. For some people, oral sex is kinky. For others it is mainstream. So with your example of food: someone who drizzled chocolate sauce over their lover’s “sundae” then proceeds to devour it? That’s a bit of kinky fun.
Fetish is more about the objects (in many cultures, the objects associated with one’s role/job are *called* fetishes), and sexual gratification cannot be had without them. So for the fetishists, the “sundae” is not what’s getting them off. Nor is it the eating the chocolate sauce off their lover that they get excited about. It’s that they *can’t get off* without the FACT of the chocolate sauce.
If that makes sense.
Re: Witches of Eastwick
I did not like that movie. Jack? Nope. Cher was tolerable, but really… Nope. Not a fan. *laugh*
But thinking of Jack (because, tangential thought) made me remember the movie About Schmidt, which is really a fantastic movie in that “stays with you” and “come to realizations” kind of way. So if you like Jack, you might like to watch that.
Re: Mr K — not sure what you mean about it being his idea but now he isn’t into it, but if it’s affecting your ability to enjoy blogging, I sincerely hope you two will be able to sit down and work out a solution. If he feels threatened in some way by what you’re doing here (men do — especially het partners, in my experience, and I’ve been doing this – watching people/couples do the blogging thing – for 10 years), it can become a big issue if it’s not addressed.
See? Told you. Long comment.
*laugh*
LAST THING —
(Not that it’s my last thought, but you have other things to do than read this mini novella.)
The bunny tail!
See here:
https://mrsfever.com/2016/12/22/bunny-sex/
Thank you for your thought inspiring comment! I love a good convo!
I don’t think Mister K has an issue with my blog, or even an OF page. I think it’s more the time invested. My argument that he spends 8 hours a day at another location did not end well though. All endeavors need something invested, whether time or money…
We will talk about it, I just need more time (something there is plenty if although it goes by rather fast).
I agree with your kink vs. Fetish definition. You’ve said it so much better than I ever could 🙂
As for Jack. Nope he does nothing for me and I always picture the Shinning when I think of him. Lol. I’m not sure I watched the entire movie as only that scene stays with me. I had to look up where it was from as an adult (a childs mind is a funny place).
I would be interested in watching Schmidt though:)
Reading the bunny tail now!