Pervertibles – Making the Ordinary, Extraordinary

When entering the world of kink or the BDSM lifestyle, many get more than a little excitement from browsing an on-line catalogue filled with toys and implements designed and created for kinky use. And then stop browsing when they see the cost. Yes, sex and BDSM toys are not cheap (and if they are, check reviews), but luckily there is an alternative. I introduce to you…Pervertibles.

What are pervertibles? Every day items you can find at home, or make from materials found at a low price, for the sake of kinky fun. Essentially, they are items not designed for kink, but used anyway (cause that’s how we roll). With a bit of creativity, some time invested, and the know-how, you can make the ordinary become extraordinary. And who doesn’t want that?

Pervertible Safety First

As with all things BDSM, safety comes first, as it should. So, Before I inundate you with DIY projects and have you scouring your closets and junk drawers with the power of perversion, let’s review.

RACK- Risk Aware Consensual Kink

Simply, this means to inform all involved parties of the risks of using a toy or performing a specific activity. The most important word in this acronym is consensual. It is your duty to make sure that you have the consent of all concerned individuals, and that before you ask for their approval, they have been informed of all the risks involved.

Some kinksters may be okay with being bound with rope, but not duct tape. Or perhaps someone has an allergy to latex and needs an alternative (like sheepskin). This is the time to get all the important stuff out in the open, so you can work out any kinks (see what I did there?). Not only will this make for a more enjoyable occasion for everyone, but it will also decrease the chance of an adverse effect or a traumatizing experience and perhaps, up the odds of a repeat performance.

Check EVERY Toy, EVERY Time for Flaws

Whether you spend $1, $10, or $1000 dollars on your toys, check them regularly for flaws and dangerous defects. During a scene (or play) is not a good time to find out your cane has splintered, or your silicone toy has broken down and is about to split in half. Inspecting each toy, each time, keeps the risk of injury and hospital visits at a minimum. As a former nurse, I CAN NOT emphasize this enough. No one enjoys going to the E.R. with a dildo broken off inside them, or a slice in their rump from a cracked paddle, even those who love medical play. Take care of your toys, and they will take care of you!

Have what you Need on Hand

Ever heard the term, better safe than sorry? There is no place where that saying could be more apt than in the world of kink. Be prepared for your play, and if you decide to wing it, make sure that any and all outcomes have been thought of. Have scissors for bondage, water for wax play and a soothing balm or salve for impact. Make sure there is a first aid kit handy, and you know how to use the supplies within it. A basic first aid course could mean the difference between literal life and death. Is there a better investment than that?

Most importantly, make sure to give even the most tightly secured bottom a way to safeword, whether verbally, symbolically (like a hand symbol or a white flag) or with an object that makes noise (a bell, a small whistle, etc.). And NEVER, and I mean NEVER, leave a bottom (or submissive) who is bound, surrounded by flame, or gaged unattended. They are your responsibility and consensual or not, if they have a life altering or fatal accident while you step away, you are responsible – the law will see it that way too!

Now that the heavy stuff is out of the way, let’s move on to the fun.

Digital Delights and Electronics

While I love fingers as much as the next kinky pervert, the digital toys I’m talking about here are technological gadgets. From your cell phone set on vibrate to apps designed to help improve cunninglingus, there is no shortage of pervertible digital objects. An electric toothbrush can make an excellent vibrator, as can an electric razor.

Bondage

Hemp and Jute come in all sizes and colors, but it’s not cheap. Luckily, if you’re doing light bondage or just wanting to tie someone to a bed, there are plenty of everyday items available. Scarves, curtain ties, belts and even the sheets themselves are all good options. For a sensual experience, try silk or satin. Want something a bit rougher (me too!)? Try scratchy wool, cable ties, duct-tape, or for the extremists out there, try actual cable (you know the stuff they wire to your T.V.) or that telephone wire that became obsolete in 2010.

The only limits to finding DIY bondage props is your imagination, and we all know you have no shortage of that.

Insertables

Insertables are exactly as they sound, an object that is inserted, either into the vagina or anus. While there are many toys on the market for this purpose, they are quite easy to make at home. The important thing to remember is that all insertables need a cord or some other way of removing them. Anal toys often have a flared base that sticks out and prevents the toy from “slipping” inside. Likewise, vaginal toys have a pull string for easy removal. Your pervertibles should have something similar too!

I’ve been told that pearls make for a wonderfully sensual play session, although I think I’d go for an acrylic strand over the real thing. For a DIY Kegel ball, you can use marbles or ping-pong balls tucked inside a condom. Tie off the end and leave it hanging out a bit, and ta-da, pelvic floor training (or any other task your D-type can think of). You can also use plain water in place of a solid object. As the water swishes inside the latex, your pelvic muscles will tighten around it, keeping it in place. All that tightening creates increased blood flow and keeps arousal at a low simmer.

So, whether you’re hoping to jump on a trampoline without embarrassment (if you don’t know what this means, you’re too young to read this blog), or wanting a cheap, effective way to be reminded of your place and what is waiting for you, this simple DIY project is worth the time. When you’re finished, simply throw the condom away and wash away any spermicide left on the balls. Easy peasy!

Impact Play

There is no shortage of impact implements to be found in your home. Paddle brushes, wooden spoons, silicone spatulas and of course, leather belts. But for something with more sting, you could try a long wooden BBQ skewer in place of a cane (check for splinters first). For those who really like a solid thud, the roll from the inside of an extra strength aluminum foil roll (not the plastic wrap, those are too flimsy) can be just what you’re looking for. A meat tenderizer is great for those who enjoy harder impact with a promise of bruising (be aware of pelvic bones, kidneys, and internal organs, please). And of course, let’s not forget switches from a tree (willow works best as it’s extremely flexible).

I’ve included an Impact Zone Safety Chart for your kinky reference. Please stay within the green zones for intense play, and yellow for lighter lashes. Orange zones should be avoided unless you’re experienced (and know anatomy well) and pink means to stay away.

Pinchy and Pokey Pervertibles

Clamps offer a unique sensation. Whether used for pain or pleasure, it’s simple to find what you need at home, or in the office. Besides the obvious clothespins, chopsticks combined with elastic bands make excellent nipple or clit clamps. You can even use drumsticks like shown here, by Mr. E and lilly, or shorter skewer sticks. Binder clips and chip clips are great pinchy tools as well and offer a distinctive bite.

For something less… breathtaking, you can use mini elastic bands, paper clips, string, or dental floss. Looking for something to add some weight? Hotel hangers are perfect for this. Flip it over, attach the clips to each nipple and use the hook for pulling, or hanging a weight. Alternatively, you could have the submissive (or bottom) hold the contraption in place with their teeth.

If you enjoy the distinct sensation of a Wartenberg wheel, a bunch of bamboo skewers bundled together makes a great substitute. And for those that enjoy the piercing sensation of needles, a stapler can work in a pinch… (haha…I’ll show myself out.)

Fuckable Pervertibles

Almost anything is fuckable if you’re dedicated enough, but I’ll leave that up to you. Besides the obvious fruit and veggies (banana, cucumber, carrots, eggplant), you have found another use for those brush handles. Some use shampoo bottles, others wine bottles. I once wrote a story that involved a nail polish bottle.

In a prior life, when Tumblr still contained porn, I saw everything from chair legs (not a suggestion) to shower heads. Again, I’ll leave that up to you. I recommend using a condom with any fuckable pervertible though, not only for your safety, but to prevent bacteria from entering your (not-so) private places. You’ll keep your pseudo-sex-toy clean(er) too.

Temperature Play

Besides wax and ice cubes, there are other ways to play with temperature. Placing anything in the freezer will make for a thrilling time, as will placing items in hot water. Whisky stones work well for this, as they can transfer back and forth from hot to cold without shattering like glass may (cringe).

Filling a condom with water and freezing it can make for an icy insertable or used simply to tease and titillate. The condom keeps the water contained, which is nice for cleanup. Which leads me to…

Keeping It Clean

Waterproof bedding designed for adventurous kinkery can be quite costly. As a good alternative, try using a reusable tablecloth. If you find one with a padded underlay, it’ll stick to your mattress better than anything sold for sex.

There is mixed opinion about whether to buy a toy cleaner or to make your own. I’m for either option as long as your toys, home-made or store bought are cleaned before and after every use. This guide from Brown University covers everything you may need about how to keep bacterial infections at bay and reduce the risk of STI’s. Now, that’s a proper education!

Go Where Pervertibles Takes You

Now that you know how accessible pervertibles can be, I’m sure you’ll be seeing them everywhere you go (welcome to my world). If you can think it, it can most likely be done. And creativity is sexy, so what are you waiting for?

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For more about BDSM and Kink, see Let’s Talk About.