Too Young to Know Better – Awakening a Kink

I’ve written a few times about my teenage years. Like in this post about masturbating for the first time and how it turned me off of the idea. I’ve talked a highlights of the ’90s. Years which were most of my teenaged days and the events that would shape who I would soon eventually become. And I’ve spoken in length about the boyfriend I had for 5 years, who took my virginity and taught me many kinky things. But I’ve never spoken about how I discovered I like breath play.

It was one of those things that happen completely by accident and confused me to the point that I kept this story to myself for many years. Even after I had grown to be a sexual deviant, I still kept it tucked away. Afraid of what it might mean.

I didn’t understand what had happened until I entered the world of BDSM, and then I had an awakening.

I can’t remember if I was in grade 11 or twelve, but I do remember it was final exams. Early summer had just begun and a bunch of us were done for the day. The sun was blazing down, and it was getting pretty warm so we decided to go to a friend’s to kill the afternoon, smoke some weed, and chill out. A few of the kids from a crowd that I didn’t usually spend time with came along, but that really wasn’t all that uncommon. In total there were maybe 12 of us or so.

For some back story, I spent most of my teenage years in a town of barely 1600 people. Everyone knew everyone and we all got along. You have no choice in a place with that tight of living quarters. My high school graduating class consisted of a whopping 21 people, which limited your friend group significantly if you were picky (as an adult, this sounds like a blessing).

The group of us settled on the couch and floor in the living room and after gossiping as small-town kids are wont to do, Mark (not his real name) asked if anyone had ever tried being choked until they passed out. He went on to talk about how his brother had shown him how and it gave you a high and blah, blah, blah.

Too many people listened and not enough didn’t.

When you get a bunch of teens together, they’ll talk themselves into some stupid stuff, and this was no exception. Dan (also not his real name) jumped up and was told to stand against the wall. Mark stood before him and pressed his hands to Dan’s throat until we watched his eyes roll in his head and he slumped to the floor. It was a bit comical at the time because Mark was smaller in size than Dan, so having the ability to render him unconscious seemed oddly funny.

After about a minute (if that long, but it seemed like forever at the time) Dan’s eyes opened and a smile split his face. As you can imagine, there was no shortage of volunteers after he told everyone he did feel like he had gotten a high. One by one, the group went. Some taking turns to be the choker, while others were being first at being the chokee (not a word, I know).

It finally came down to only me left to go. Always the odd man (or woman) out. I told them I was okay and had no desire to have the oxygen cut off from my brain. But just like now, there were some who wouldn’t take no for an answer. And unlike now, I didn’t know how to stand my ground.

So, I relinquished the fight and gave in.

Standing against the wall, a girl named Amy (I’m sure you know that’s not her real name) pressed her hands to either side of my throat and within seconds I could feel the change. Amy was quite a pretty girl (still is), with the most unique red hair I have ever seen and the greenest eyes you can imagine. I soon found myself staring into them.

As I started to see stars, suddenly I began to feel a tingle. A familiar tingle. Down there, in my center. It moved outward and spread and my clit started to ache, and I had this sudden urge that I needed to be filled. Completely, wholly, and without mercy and I began thinking that without it, I might die (dramatic, I know).

I didn’t know what to do. I was probably close to losing consciousness, but I still had a good idea of how my body was responding. Instead of letting the arousal slam into me full force and not being able to control the orgasm I was sure I was going to have, I pretended to pass out and slid to the floor.

For almost an entire minute I sat there, eyes closed trying to control my breathing.

My heart was pounding in a way that should have been the exact opposite of the thundering in my chest. I think I even prayed that no one would hear it. My nipples were so hard they too ached and it felt like had sat in a puddle. After I thought that maybe I could stand the embarrassment, I opened my eyes slowly and looked around. Most everyone was looking anywhere but at me and I was so relieved.

Many of the kids tried it more than once that day, but there was no way I was doing it again. I had never had arousal invade me in such a way and wasn’t sure what to do with this new knowledge. After an acceptable amount of time, I excused myself to the bathroom and relieved the ache that had been planted deep inside me. I wasn’t sure what else to do. I couldn’t very well sit around aroused for the remainder of the day.

Later and alone, I thought about it and wondered if it was because I was choked by Amy. I had thought of women sexually in the past (and sometimes still do) but had a boyfriend and knew I definitely liked cock. So, I couldn’t understand what had happened. Just in case it was an infatuation with the red-headed beauty, I avoided her almost completely whenever I saw her for years, worried she’d see the truth in my eyes. And for the next fifteen or so years, when anyone would touch my neck, I’d tell them I don’t like being touched there.

So no one did, until Mister K.

Having been in a D/s dynamic for a while, our limits and boundaries have changed some. Having hands around my throat was a hard limit for the first year. After that though, we moved into 24/7 and It got moved to soft limits. Once, during a particularly grueling scene, one where I had been forced to climax numerous times, I was being told to come again. I knew I wouldn’t be able to. Everyone has a limit and I had reached mine.

The Dom in Mister K came to the surface and with that, his hand grasped either side of my throat. His thumb pushing into the thick vein on one side, his pointer finger on the other. At first, I balked, but then that rush of arousal I had experienced so many years before came rushing to the surface and settled in my center. Instead of fighting it like I did that first time, I let the arousal wash over me and sure enough, I was able to climax once more.

I get a unique experience from having Mister K’s hand around my throat. It feels like a safe place, a warm place, almost like home. While I don’t always come from it anymore, it does create arousal as nothing else can. One of Mister K’s favorite things to do is place his hand on the back of my neck and give it a light squeeze. It’s become one of my favorite things too. It’s a very possessive act that speaks straight to my submissive side.

I’m unsure if I’d let anyone else do it, simply because I can not control my reaction but it’s a wonderful addition to my fantasies.

Upon researching kinks (personal interest, really), I came across erotic asphyxiation. I learned that you do actually get a bit of a high when your airways are cut off. But it comes from the blood rushing back to your head, not being taken away. Because endorphins (serotonin and dopamine) rush to your brain, you feel good (even temporarily) and that tells your body you’ve experienced a pleasurable thing.

I also learned that there is a right way and a wrong way. I’m relieved to know Mark knew the right way, but many teens and adults don’t, unfortunately.

If you’re looking for more about breath play, and how to do it safely, you can find a printable pdf here, or check out this great guest post hosted by our friends over at The SafeworD/s club. Please always be risk aware before trying this type of play. It is extremely dangerous and great care should be taken to be sane, safe, and consensual.

For more posts from bloggers talking about life in their teens, hit the bullseye.

To read more about Mrsk, see About MrsK or Submissive Journal.

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